Searching for Something to Be Thankful for This Thanksgiving

This time last year I could have given you a healthy list of the things I was thankful for; these things are what makes thanksgiving such a grand holiday. I was thankful for being granted another family holiday with my Dad who was terminally ill, for the stable roof over my head, for the happiness I felt when my husband held me in his arms, and mostly for the fact that my children were doing well and seemed pretty secure in life for a change.

Only one short year has passed since I could have shared that list with the world. It's hard to believe that today I am searching my soul to find some sense of thankfulness in the small things. Unable to find a single thing I almost cancelled thanksgiving at my home, I even called the people I had invited and told them I was calling it off and staying home alone.

My Dad passed away in January, no thanks to give there. I am living in his house but can't even be thankful for a stable home this year, he didn't have his affairs settled properly and I am in foreclosure. As I sit here writing this I am trying to find thanks in that, I can't be thankful for the heartless mortgage company who refuses payment because I don't have the proper legal paperwork. I can't be thankful for the fact that in 2 short months my family will be homeless; still searching.

The stress of our world has devastated my marriage, and my children aren't feeling very secure right now. Through the heartache and chaos that has become my life I came to the conclusion that a holiday cannot be cancelled, I can't tell my children that we have nothing to be thankful for, and shutting the world out is not going to help.

We will be celebrating Thanksgiving despite our troubles this year. I will cook the traditional meal and put on my big girl panties, deal with life wearing a false smile. I guess that is what I do have to be thankful for, life. Helping me help my family isn't easy at times, but still I have to show the kids that we have hope and will be fine. Treading on through the bad weather, waiting for our rainbow is the light at the end of the tunnel.

So, this year I am thankful for many small things and nothing monumental. I am thankful that my kids are healthy, that we all wake up each morning, and that through it all the kids and I will still have each other to lean on. I am thankful that I have at least one friend in the world to talk to, at least one smile left to give, and at least one day left to show I care.

I took this assignment thinking that I could sit and write out a list of happy things, thinking that writing those things may make them seem attainable at least. I guess the way it turned out was that this assignment has helped me come to terms with my lack of holiday cheer and that just maybe I will be able to find enough hope and clarity to be the change that I need to see.

What it all boils down to is that in reality, life is the grandest thing to be thankful for. That facing homelessness and the end of my marriage is surface stuff, and getting past the surface stuff is possible even though it seems improbable right now.