Second Child: When to Add to the Family

Marriage is filled with many different stages of growth and change. The arrival of the first child brings in new ways of thought, along with new opportunities and adventure. And now the idea of adding another child to the family has been brought up quite often lately. Will adding another child to the family be a good idea at this time? Also, what will the effects of a second child be on the family as a whole?

Many thoughts come to mind when a second child is brought into the family. Beyond the worries of financial security and emotional support, hundreds of other questions enter the mind as you try and balance out the idea of a second child.

Is the time right?

The first thing to decide when adding children to the family is: are both parents emotionally stable and ready for the child. The second child brings into the family numerous physical and emotional changes. Now, you must be able to keep the same schedule with the first child while also balancing the duties of the second child.

One of the hardest things to adjust to a second child is the ability to give yourself over completely to parenthood. Any sense of freedom is much harder to obtain with two children. Quiet moments are also harder to accomplish with two children as your alone time seems to simply disappear into thin air.

With two children you have more obligations to perform with less time to do them. Now, you must be able to carry on two conversations as you muti-task the rest of your duties at home. This task must become second nature with two children in the home.

Timing is another thing that plays a big part when adding a second child. How long should you wait after the first child before you add another child. Will your first child be jealous of the new member of the family, or will it be easily accepted into the home?

Dealing with two children

Most experts say that children under 3yrs old are less jealous of a second child than older children. Their sense of threatening the family unit has not yet come into play. And what about having two very young children at the same time?

Having two young children which are less than two years apart can be a very demanding situation. But on the bright side; in a short while "both" children will be out of diapers instead of spacing it apart, and the temper tantrums will soon begin to pass away.

Two young children also have more in common than those which are spaced apart. They become playmates and soon learn to depend on each other's support. The interests of the two young children are also closely the same; instead of one crying to do one thing as the others screams for something else.

Another thing to consider when adding a second child is how the older sibling will react to the addition of the family. Is your first born child excited about the idea of a brother or a sister, or do they become silent when you ask them about it?

The family unit

With two children in the family dad is definitely now in the picture. No longer will he be able to skate off somewhere while mom takes care of the children. More duties around the house will also need to be done, and hopefully he can provide the emotional and physical support which is needed for the family.

Will the second child be different to raise than the first one? All children are different, just like adults. Some of the child raising techniques you used on the first child just might not work on the second child. Personalities are also different as are likes and dislikes. And you being the parent will have to make everything work as smooth as a fine oiled machine. You'll need all the luck you can get on this one.

The stability of the family unit is also very important before adding a second child. Are you and your spouse stable in your relationship? Or are there times when one of you have had second thoughts about the relationship? A good firm family foundation is definitely needed for one child, much less two.

Then if both you and your spouse have come to the same decision maybe it's time for a second addition to the family. Only if both parents are emotionally and physically devoted to the family is the time right.

The miracle of birth is not something to take for granted. Each member of the family is just as important as the next, whether there be one child in the family or a dozen. The choice is yours together as a family to make. So be careful, the decision you make will affect the rest of your life.