SECRETS of a SOAP OPERA DIVA a Book Review

Secrets of Soap Opera Diva by Victoria Rowell is a pretty good read. She had me in the first chapter when she described people arriving for the "Sudsys," obviously code for Daytime Emmys. She called ...the cast of The View--Barbara, Whoopi, Joy, Sheri, and the Republican. That made me laugh and any book that makes me laugh or even smile is well worth the money.

We follow the main character Calysta Jeffries who plays Ruby Stargazer on "The Rich and the Ruthless" through her Sudsy loss to her being driven off of the show by the evil producer Randall Roberts his wife Allison Fairchild Roberts and Edith Norman, President of Daytime Television. This trio has teamed up to get rid of Calysta and take over the world! Oh wait a minute they just want to take over "R & R" from its creator Augustus Barringer Sr. who conveniently had a stroke shortly after the Sudsy awards.

Yes, the names alone are a real hoot. At first I tried to figure out who was who matching up characters in Y & R to the characters in 'Secrets...' That just made my head spin until I gave that up and just read the book for the story. Lord knows I'm dizzy enough without my head spinning.

After that everything and everyone fell in place. Calysta-Ruby-Beulah whoever the heck she is, manages to foil the creative takeover of "R & R" at her own peril. Meanwhile she sleeps with a handsome hunk who used to be on R & R crashes her car ends up in a substance abuse treatment center. She is finally rescued from the treatment center by the handsome hunk.

What are the 'secrets' you might be asking. Well, I shouldn't be telling but maybe just one or two. First Calysta is shocked, sickened and appalled when Mave the octogenarian cast member asks her to help tape back her face and hook it behind her head under her wig. Big fat surprise, Eva Gabor did that way back when she was in "Green Acres." (Hungarians are smart cookies.) Today with most shows in HD that old trick would never work. We would be able to see the tape and rubber bands in all their glory.

Another 'secret' is the fact some of the book is written like a screenplay, thus letting us outsiders see what a soap script looks like and how cleverly Calysta re-wrote her part. The funny thing is I think I recognized some of those lines. I can usually say the words before the character does. I think they are somehow reading my mind and using what I am thinking...Hey that means I re-writhe the lines! I want royalties!

One last big honking secret is that she, the character in the book Calysta or Ruby or Beulah whoever she is has a piece of paper given to her by the creator of "The Rich and The Ruthless" Augustus Barringer Sr., that says she can come back on the show anytime she feels like it. Why does she have such a document? Well, because she had a 'special' relationship with Augustus. Isn't that mysterious?

All in all Victoria Rowell's "Secrets of a Soap Opera Diva" is a fun read with a little more to it than you would think. She leaves us with a hook into the next book. Yeah, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss eleven bucks goodbye. You might even be anxious to read the next installment if it is ever written. I, for one, hope it is!