Seeing Bullying Through the Eyes of the Bully and the Victim.

Whenever I get one of these articles I often find it reminds me greatly of my childhood and things that occurred. I actually can relate to bullying on most levels. I was not really a bully per se, but I did bully a person or two. I would later realize that it was not appropriate and quit doing it. It was mostly in middle school that I did a bit of bullying. I also got bullied in middle school quite a bit. It would gradually go away based on action I took, but it did occur.

There are people that bully for a variety of reasons. These reasons can often deal with problems at home or low self esteem of the bully. People who are abused by their parents or that have parents who fight with each other a lot tend to bully more. Typically men often bully more than women. Bullying can start early in life, but most often the worst and most harsh bullying will start when children are in middle school. High school can go either way. There are people bullied in high school. It often takes more of a sexual overtone at that age.

There are various activities that can be considered bullying. Once again the age of the bully may determine how far the bulling goes. The most basic type of bullying is teasing and name calling. This might be over someone having a different accent or looking slightly different than what the other children are used to. This can progress into physical bullying like pushing, kicking, sabotaging personal items like toys or clothes and so on.

The sexual bullying will often occur in the later years. There are various types of this. Sometimes guys or girls might tease a girl about a reputation that she has of being very generous with her body. Some might also tease a girl who wants to act like a lady and not sleep around. Some people will tease such a person. In the case of men who happen to be virgins they often will get picked on because of that as they get older. Many of the other men doing the bullying also are probably virgins, but claim they are not. Sexual identify and orientation bullying is also on the rise. I personally believe homosexuality is a sin as stated in the bible, but I don't think people should go around bullying other people because they choose to be gay. I will say thought that if you follow the news some of these kids do bring the bullying on themselves by trying to force their lifestyle on others. I believe in live and let live. If someone knows they are probably the only openly gay person in a school and wants to make a scene of taking a same sex date to the prom it should not surprise them that others are not comfortable with it. This is especially true in more rural and religious areas of the country.

In my case of being bullied when I was younger there was bit of a progression. I really was not bullied in elementary school. Most people liked me. I did not bother anyone and no one bothered me. The closest example of bullying that I suffered in elementary school was this kid named Larry. He was a bit bigger than me partially because he got held back a couple of times. Larry used to always try to steal parts of my lunch. I never personally liked trouble, so I often would not stand up to him. It got to the point were he would shove me or twist me arm when he saw me alone. Once he shoved me when I grabbed some chips back he tried to steal from me. I got the chips and shoved him right back. This shocked many people because most people never stood up to him. Later that day he tried to run it to twist my arm. As soon as he grabbed my arm I punched him square in the face and knocked him for a loop to the cheers of many other students. He started to cry. After this he never bothered me or anyone else again. We later actually got to the point that we were sort of friends because of a mutual friend. I don't condone violence, but I do think that this straightened him out. That can work with some bullies.

When I was in middle school is when bullying really came to light for me. There were a few people who bullied me. Most of it was minor name calling. It seemed like in 6^th grade all the guys thought they were studs and if you were a virgin, which I was. I was raised to be respectful of women and did not have desire to sleep around like some of the people my age at that time. Most of this did not bother me. There was this one kid named Charles who things got physical with. I actually got in fights with him twice both times he just felt like picking a fight. I found out later that he was bullied by people including one friend of mine named Matt. This eventually stopped. I just generally avoided him.

There are various statistics that show that various bullies are more likely to serve time in jail than none bullies. This is especially true for men than women bullies. I guess what goes around does come around. I ended up getting into playing football, got pretty good grades and scholarships to college. I also went to work at a bank right after college and make pretty good money. Overall I have a decent life and a great woman who loves me very much. Charles ended up expelled every other grade from school and never even finished as was selling drugs. He also received 15 years in jail for shooting someone over and issue that stemmed from drugs or a drug deal. I always knew he was a loser and my parents always told me that. There is a part of me that wishes I would have just knocked the crap out of him, but I never did. I am probably better off for it.

In high school I really did not get bullied. There were people who would always put down the clothes that other kids wore. I always dressed nice, but I never was one of these guys who wore $150 sneakers when I went to high school and there were some people who would make fun of me for just having regular Nike shoes or whatever I wore. I was a bit of a metal head when I first started high school and people thought my clothes were too basic. Since I had to get my hair cut when I started to play football I began to dress more conservative. I often wore three button color shirts and pleated Dockers pants with loafers instead of blue jeans, rock concert t-shirts and a biker jacket and boots. Now I was called too conservative. It seems like there is always a reason that people will find to say something derogatory to another person. It really did not bother me and I did not let it.

When I was in high school the sexual bullying did bother me a bit. I was interested in girls but was always really shy and did not date. The only reason I went to my prom was because a girl asked me out. I was too shy to ask anyone. Because of this I was picked on since it was pretty easy for some to figure out that I was a virgin. With football no one really bothered me, but some of the guys would joke around about it every now and then. I don't toot my own horn, but found out that quite a few girls thought I was a nice looking guy and interested in me and were surprised by the fact I was not interested in putting various notches for conquests I made. This might be why most of my better friends had been female at that time in my life. There was this one girl who really liked me, but had a confirmed rep as a bit easy. I went to great strides to avoid her, but she would always seem to find me in the hallway. She also found me after school when I went shopping with my mom. I actually ended up dating the girl, but that is another article.

I was really never much of a bully. There was this one kid in eighth grade that I picked on a bit, but it was just joking around. Me and him actually became friends. It was more of a joking thing with him. Now at the time I did tease a bit of the foreign kids in school. I realize now that was wrong, but at the time I did not. I meant it all in fun, but did not realize it until later how hurtful it could be.

Ultimately bullying is not a good thing. It is a part of youth, but the way school and workplace violence is adults and other students should really be on the outlook for it. With new technology cyber-bullying has became more popular. There is the case of Lori Drew, better known as "the cyber-bullying mom", the bullying actually led to Megan Meier committing suicide. Drew was charged for this, but really did not receive anything major. Her daughter, who the bullying apparently was over her and Megan Meier having a falling out as friends, will probably have one hell of a time getting a date as crazy as her mom is. Lori Drew lost a business she had and the husbands business has suffered as well. Legally though, Drew did get a slap on the wrist. That was eventually overturned and the U.S. Government did not appeal the case. Basically the monster walked. Justice might be blind but it can see in the dark. I am sure there is a special place in hell for Ms. Lori Drew. I defiantly think she should have gotten jail time over this. Lori Drew is a horrible person and probably just jealous that Megan Meier and her mother were much more attractive than her. Megan was a beautiful young lady and such a waste of life. My thoughts and prayers were, and still are, with the family. I will say in fairness that I don't believe Mrs. Drew sought to cause the death of Megan Meier. She should have known better though. Had her teenage daughter done everything on her own people may not have been as out for vengeance. You could almost expect that from a kid, but not an adult parent of two children as Lori Drew was.

There was another case recently of Phoebe Prince in Massachusetts. She was physically and emotionally bullied for months leading up to this. All the facts are not yet out in this case. That is why I am not going to get into much detail. Nine students have been charged for various crimes in her death. There is also a call for school officials and teachers to be charged as well. Between the Meier and Prince cases it is evident that bullying can have dire consequences and needs to be stopped. Teachers need to be on the look out for it. Parents also need to look for various warning signs of bullying.

There are a variety of signs that teachers and parents can be on the look out for. Most of the warning signs of bullying are similar to those of depression. Things like sudden weight loss, changes in mood, anxiety over going to school as well as trying to avoid school. While students are at school the same signs are pretty much the same. They also can notice when students try to avoid certain places. The main places that bullying can occur are stairwells, locker rooms, bus stops, and buses in general. Many buses these days have cameras on them, so it's not as bad. Unfortunately many gym teachers do not take the time to be in the locker room at the beginning or end of class when the bullying could be taking place. Several teachers also seem to think that its part of growing up and will almost condone the bullying. I know there were many teachers like that when I was growing up.

If you are being bullied, or know someone who is, I would strongly encourage you to seek help. I know that people don't like to be a rat, but you might just be saving someone's life. Also if you are a bully then grow up. A friend of mine named Dave once said this about high school bullies. "It's funny how everyone who was someone in high school is nobody now. Everyone who was nobody in high school is somebody now". I would probably change everyone to most, but other than that this is pretty accurate.

There are also cases where those being bullied take extreme measures to combat the bullies. In 1999 Dylan Harris and Eric Klebold went on a pre-meditated shooting spree at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Both of them were basically outcasts and especially did not like the jocks that they felt bullied them. I recall when I heard about it I was working on my senior thesis in history. My girlfriend at the time was doing her student teaching at a local high school when the news broke. That is one of those days you don't really forget. Had teachers and parents paid more attention it is very possible that this could have never happened.

Sources and resources.

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-School-Bullies
http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Warning_Signs_that_Your_Child/

http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/faq/bullying.asp

http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_PSA/pdfs/SBN_Tip_7.pdf

http://www.kidsbesafeonline.com/blog/38-cyberbullying/115-lori-drew-sentencing-today.html

http://www.haltabuse.org/help/respond.shtml

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/03/29/massachusetts.bullying.suicide/index.html

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