Selecting Your Child's Caretaker

On March 23, 2010, a fifteen-month old little boy in Bangor, Maine died as a result of traumatic injuries inflicted upon him by his mother's boyfriend, who as of this writing is still at large. Sometime in the course of several hours that he was alone with the boyfriend, this poor child suffered repeated blows to the head, broken ribs, and a fractured arm. He was also found to have several puncture marks on the bottom of one foot, as well as a human bite mark on his arm. When ambulance crews responded, the boyfriend handed them the blue and unresponsive baby, telling them that the child had fallen down the stairs.

I cannot even begin to imagine the terror that this poor child must have endured, nor can I fathom the depths of despair his mother must now be feeling. She was quoted by the Bangor Daily News as saying, in reference to the boyfriend, "I didn't know he was like that." And being that she had only been seeing him for four months, she probably didn't know. Suffering severe abdominal pain, she had left her son with this animal (sorry, I just can't call him a "man") to take herself to the emergency room for treatment. It was the middle of the night, the baby was sleeping-what could possibly happen, right? Unfortunately, she now knows all too well what could happen, and there is no second chance to do things differently. She made a grievous error in judgment and it resulted in a tragic consequence. Many would be inclined to persecute her for it, but my own feelings lean more toward pity. Besides, I'm sure that she is probably subjecting herself to far worse judgment and condemnation than any of us could possibly muster up.

If anything positive can possibly come from this tragedy, I hope it will be that it will be a heightened awareness in parents everywhere, a call for caution when leaving your children in the care of others. Be sure that you truly know the person you choose. Err on the side of caution. And above all, go with your gut-if something feels "off", it probably is!

Most importantly, choose your child's caretaker based on capability, not convenience. The elderly woman who lives next door is definitely more convenient than the babysitter on the other side of town, but is she truly up to the task of handling your two toddlers for eight hours? You really need daycare for summer, and lucky for you there's one center in town that has plenty of openings left; but is there a reason why other people are choosing to take their kids elsewhere? The new live-in boyfriend is a lot more convenient than dropping the baby at your mom's house in the middle of the night, but is he... well, we all know how that one turned out.

My husband and I followed the rule of "nobody but family" until our son was old enough to talk, and even then it was only a trusted few! And after that, we were still very cautious as to whom we left him with. Now that he is eight, he does occasionally go to friends' houses after school or for a few hours on a weekend, but we still don't allow sleep-overs. I'm just not comfortable with that idea just yet, and I really don't think he is either, thankfully! Not quite sure when we'll cross that bridge.

When it comes to leaving your children in the care of others, there is no such thing as "overprotective". Regardless of what anyone says, it is your child and therefore your choice, so make it a wise one! Don't suffer the fate of one poor mother in Maine, who will never get a second shot at making that choice for her child.