Selecting Just the Perfect Mother's Day Gift for Your Special Mom

Do the words "Mother's Day" bring a shiver of dread or an enthusiastic smile to you? If you have that sunken feeling, perhaps it's because you, like most of us, struggle each year to select the absolutely perfect, just-right gift as a token of appreciation to the women who gave birth to us. It is really a 'token', especially when you think about all that mothers do for their children, starting from the moment of their birth up to - well, right now actually, no matter how old or young you may be. How can we repay the literally thousands of everyday acts of kindness and encouragement that our moms have provided over the years?

Trying to make an intelligent, thoughtful suggestion for a Mother's Day gift is one way.

Over the years, I have tried really, really hard to come up with the right gift for my own mom. There were gift certificates, flowers, suits, coats, dresses, handbags, perfume, jewelry, even small pets (mostly parakeets, which she liked) - many of which she honestly still has tucked into one of the numerous closets in her house, or even under her bed! (The parakeets usually lived for at least a year, often longer. They were great company for a widow living alone at the time.) Through trial and error on my part, I finally conceded that what she needed - needed and really wanted - was cash. When you're in your early 80's, slowed down by severe arthritis, don't drive a car and don't go out all that much because of a lack of interest and desire, material gifts don't mean that much. Like many ladies her age, she worries about her finances. Since I've started sending her the heftiest checks that I can manage, I've received nothing but heartfelt thanks and real gratitude. She needs money to pay for a taxi to get around with her girlfriends, to go to the bank and grocery store, and to pay for those groceries. I guess you could say that I found the 'sweet spot' that needed to be addressed in my mom's situation. It's almost become too easy for me, I often think, but I know how much she looks forward to receiving that big Mother's Day card (with check inside) in the mail.

I'd like to offer up some suggestions that will not only make the process of selecting a gift for your mother less stressful, but also view your mom in a different light. She's changed - as a mother, as a person, as a woman - since those days when she first walked you to kindergarten.

The key here is 'changed'. We tend to think of our mothers as being frozen in a perpetual time warp. You remember her favorite, distinctive cologne from childhood, you remember, perhaps, the type of dress/pantsuit she wore to your third-grade play. You look fondly back at photographs of the family from your high school graduation, or maybe your marriage. Gosh, Mom's hair sure was piled up high - wasn't that what they called a 'beehive', and isn't that the look from the Broadway musical-soon to be movie "Hairspray"? And look at how cute she looks with those little black eye glass frames; funny, isn't it, how fashion styles come and go...or perhaps when you close your eyes and think of your mother, certain pictures stand out more vividly than others. Mom in the kitchen, apron on, removing a fresh tray of chocolate chip cookies for your baseball/softball team, Mom hauling juice boxes to your soccer games in that old red cooler, Mom driving you to the hairdresser for your first cut or trim, Mom schlepping through the mall with you after she got home from work because you just HAD to have a new suit/skirt/dress for the school concert, which just happened to be tomorrow morning? You probably remember how much fun it was afterwards, when the two of you had 'dinner' in the fast food court of the mall, just you and your mom: you, relieved and giddy because you have the perfect outfit for tomorrow and your friends will be like sooo jealous, she because she doesn't have to defrost a package of ground beef to toss with a package of Hamburger Helper when she gets home.

Memories last a lifetime, they say. But times change. As you have changed over the years, it may come as a bit of a surprise to realize that your mother has as well.

Take pen to paper and jot down a few gift ideas before you set out to buy, in person or online, your mother's gift. Over the past ten, twenty, thirty or more years, how has she changed? Now that the kids are all gone and out of the house, she may be quite a different woman than she was when you were younger. No overly fussy hairdo, no black glasses, no pantsuits, no sensible flat shoes...she has new interests, friends and hobbies, just as you do. Put some thought into your gift this year - take a look at your mother not just as good ol' Mom but as the person she is today.

Does she still love being a homemaker? Lives to cook and bake, although not nearly as often anymore? Think about some kitchen appliances that she might love to have, but would never dream of buying for herself. A new microwave oven, a convection oven, a newer version of Cuisinart, really attractive every-day china (maybe brightly-colored Fiesta ware), or an exquisite Waterford or other high-quality set of table linens? Have you ever thought about buying her 'hotel quality' (or better) bed linens? (She may still be stuck in the standard 250 tc Hell and just doesn't know it.) 400 thread count and above bedding would be a real treat for her. Perhaps down pillows, a down comforter, special pillows or back support that might help ease the arthritis or back pain from which she suffers? There's always that one special gift 'June Cleaver' moms love to receive: a family portrait. It doesn't have to be a surprise; just the time and effort you put into pulling as many of your close family members together and paying for a good quality, good sized portrait is enough to bring tears to any mom's eyes. Listen, last year I was desperate for a new vacuum cleaner. Don't laugh; the one I have now is certainly still functional, but with my back problems, I was dying to get a lightweight version that I could easily tote throughout the house. There are lots of ways to show the homemaker mom that you love her - including a gift certificate for a year's worth (or so) of the services of a cleaning company. I have a friend who actually had her mother's bedroom repainted and recarpeted as her Mother's Day gift one year - and her mom loved it! She would never have paid to do it herself and even if she could, she was a little hesitant about how to go about getting the work done. It was a gift that was really appreciated.

Is Mom now back at work or at school? Good for her! Show your appreciation by giving her a gift certificate for clothing at her favorite store - but before you do, check the labels in her closet (or ask Dad or someone else who lives with her) for name brands. Some moms will love a Chico's gift certificate, while others may be thrilled to get one from Anthropologie. Do your homework; most gift certificates to clothing stores can't be returned. If she's really busy, think about giving her a restaurant gift certificate (again, do your homework, and make it one to her favorite one or spread it out around two or three restaurants.) Check to see if there's a business in her area that prepares multiple meals in advance for a month or so, and consider 'gifting' her with ready to go meals in her freezer. We all hate to come home from work and contemplate what we can pull together for dinner. On a more professional level, why not consider a well-made leather briefcase, a Mont Blanc pen, a beautiful and personal accessory for her office? Again, consider her tastes. If she loves high quality, designer and brand name items, go for it, and go for the best that you can afford. If you're even the least bit hesitant, consider something else. Another thought might be a piece of good quality jewelry that is suitable not only for business but street wear as well. (This year, I took no chances. I purchased myself a pair of drop dead gorgeous new Chanel drop earrings myself as my Mother's Day gift. There's only so much of a thrill that you can get from a vacuum cleaner, folks!) Be sure that you know your mother's style and taste before you drop twenty or two thousand dollars on a piece of jewelry; her taste is very personal.

There are some gift ideas that apply to every woman, mother or not. Has she ever been to a day or weekend spa? Is it because she really couldn't afford it, or thought it would be too extravagant, although she would really, really like to go? Check with her significant other first to make sure that a day or a weekend at a quality spa would not only be looked at as a wonderful gift and something that she would definitely use, but also something that she can fit into a busy schedule. Has she ever mentioned a fascination for yoga or Pilates? Consider gift certificates for classes, or for equipment: a new yoga mat paired with soft slippers and a towel, a new mountain bike for the road racer gal, classes at the new gym that just opened up three blocks from her home that she's been dying to try out.

While picking out a material present for your mother, please don't forget the most precious gift of all: the gift of time and yourself. Have you ever considered booking a cruise, just for you and your mom? Would she enjoy airline tickets from one coast to the other to come out and visit, spend time with you and your family? Or perhaps you could pick up those airline tickets for yourself and fly home to be with your mother on her special day. Whatever kind of gift you end up giving, the most important factor is that it's one from the heart.