Selective Memory and Relationships

Selective memory and selective amnesia aren't phrases that I can find defined in any Google search. Still, we all know what they mean even without the help of Webster and his buddies. It's how your husband never forgets his tee time, but can't seem to recall that the trash has to go out on Fridays. Or, how you can never remember to buy the type of cranberry sauce your "dear, sweet" mother in law likes for Thanksgiving. I'm sure anyone out there can think of things or at least a time when they have suffered from a case of selective amnesia.

Having a selective memory is almost detrimental in a romantic relationship. It seems to me that when it comes to the mates in our lives we have two different people in our minds; the bad person and the good person. There are times when things are going so great in a relationship you just can't seem to think of anything bad about your mate -stop laughing, I'm serious. Or, at least those "bad" things that you can think of just don't seem all that, well, bad! At certain times, you can think of your partner's fiscal irresponsibility, inability to clean, or whatever issues there are and just shrug them off. Heck, you may even smile a bit and think it's cute!

Then, there are other times, when the bad person comes out in your head. I haven't quite figured out what triggers the "bad person" to emerge, but I've come up with a few theories.
1) Your mate just has too many "bad habits"
2) Something other than your mate upsets you and you direct your anger at your mate, thereby summoning the bad person.
3) You've been in denial half the time and can't take it anymore
4) You're bi-polar

Whatever it is that brings out this "bad person" version of your partner in your head it really only means one thing, the "good person" is no where to be found. All of a sudden you can't find one single redeeming quality about the person you so often refer to as "your other half". You completely forget that he rubs your feet after work at night. Or, that she fixes you a special diner if you've had a bad day. Those nice "good person" thoughts are out the window and you wonder what the heck you saw in this person in the first place?

That's selective memory in action and there are many different degrees of the ailment. A touch of it can save your relationship, too much, that just makes you crazy.