Self-Forgiveness and Success

"All-or-nothing" sets us up for complete and utter failure, so what's wrong with being forgivingly realistic with ourselves? We all have good days and bad days - inevitably, our willpower waxes and wanes - so berating oneself for every slip-up is hardly a strategy for success. Better to add self-loathing to the "quit list" as a deplorably bad habit of its own.

And dismissing small victories you've already enjoyed undermines any self-confidence these accomplishments provided - why throw them away? Keeping credit already earned actually helps one persist down a new and unfamiliar path, such as altering one's ingrained behaviors. The sooner one sees the road to behavior modification as the potentially slippery and uneven path it is, the more possible it is to navigate around the pot holes.

This is not to encourage sloppiness, or raise a flag of "I'm trying!" over a true lack of effort, but there is value in remembering all substantial lifestyle changes takes practice. Practice is a long-term investment in a worthwhile endeavor, and repetition over time is what ultimately yields results. With this comes an entire spectrum of achievement levels, actually many achievements within an achievement.

I very much like Terry Martin's About.com article, which alerts readers to a valuable approach to smoking cessation - the "Healthy Monday" concept: "Healthy Monday encourages us to think of every Monday as a day that we can begin work anew on goals that we have for ourselves." This makes tremendous sense, not only in regard to addiction and health-related issues, but in all realms.

"Healthy Monday" is brilliant, because persistence and room for error are both built into the same formula. Unlike New Year's Resolutions made at the beginning of the year, failed a few months into the year, and swept under the rug for the remainder of the year, "Healthy Monday" proposes 52 opportunities to dust off and try again. You can fall off the horse and get back on. You can produce a sour note, but still play the rest of the song flawlessly.

You get a re-do, because a re-do is a normal and requisite part of the process. When you allow yourself to keep trying, how are you failing? Every expert was once a beginner and persistence led to progress.

While nothing is simply black or white, there's an implied convenience attached to quickly slapping one of two opposing terms on something, someone - rich or poor, liberal or conservative, good or bad. Assigning black-and-white judgments to our own personal development is no less limiting. Especially during turbulent times which impinge on all of us, all-or-nothing thinking can only jerk us between sickening highs to lows. This really is one roller coaster you can refuse to ride.

If there was ever a time to consider the incremental grays, now is it. Not landing that perfect job does not negate what you have to offer - keep moving. If you regret those drinks last night, tonight offers the opportunity to drink water. If you stumble, remember every new moment brings the opportunity for a fresh re-do.

Life is nothing but a series of choices, including how patient and considerate we decide to be with ourselves. It will prove more productive over time to recognize oneself as a work in progress, rather than a "failure" or a "success" based on static snapshots of one's dynamic life. Take a break, try again next Monday - or in another hour - but keep moving.

Sources:
http://quitsmoking.about.com/od/chooseyourquitdate/a/healthymonday.htm