Senior Spotlight: 5 Tips for Planning a Funeral for a Loved One

Hopefully, your family has done a little pre-planning for the funeral of a loved one. It is tough to make such sobering decisions during a time of such grief. Here are five tips to guide you in planning a funeral for your senior loved one.

Allow for Grief, and Respect How Others Grieve

People don't grieve in the same way. Some cry, while others become engrossed with concrete tasks. Don't misinterpret a lack of tears as a lack of caring.

Lean on One Another and Divide Tasks

One person shouldn't handle it all. Each of us has a strength, some creative, some organizational, still others financial. Let each person handle the details of the funeral that matches his strength. If you divide the details of the arrangements, you also will allow people to grieve in the way that is most suitable to them.

--One person in charge of gathering up all of the necessary paperwork: will, death certificate, written instructions. This person could handle much of the organization, such as putting a notice in the local paper and making necessary official/ legal calls. This is not the same as calls to family and friends. That job should be divided among the various family members. It will help all of the members work through the grief process.

--One person in charge of the creative end of a funeral: lining up people to give a eulogy, putting together photos for a video log, a service offered by many funeral homes. While it may turn into a group decision, usually the caregiver type who ends up with the creative jobs will end up choosing the clothes the loved one will be buried in.

Respect the Deceased's Wishes

Did your loved one leave written instructions for his funeral or memorial service? This would make your job easier. If not, ask people for their input to see if the loved one made verbal comments on how he wished his funeral to be held. It may not be what you want, but your job is to respect the wishes of your loved one. It's the one, final gift you can give him.

The things you'll have to ascertain are:

Burial versus cremation versus other such as donation of the body?

What type of casket did the person want?

Funeral service versus simple memorial service?

After the funeral events. Will there be a wake?

Money

No one wants to worry about money now, and some even consider it crass, but you must get things in order quickly. You'll have to gather the deceased paperwork to find out if there is money to be used for the funeral in the form of a life insurance policy.

Odds are you'll have one family member who just doesn't want to be involved with the personal aspects of planning a funeral. This person will be the clinical planner. As said previously, let the person do the job that fits his personality.

If there is no life insurance policy or other means from the deceased to pay for the service and/or burial, you'll have to have a serious talk within the family. It's best to have all gathered in one place so there is never an argument that "Joe said this" and "Mary said that." People are not thinking soundly during times of grief, and it will be easy for people to misinterpret or misunderstand what is being said.

Making Decisions

Often the task of picking out an urn or casket and the various physical needs for the funeral service falls to those closest to the deceased. As with discussing money, this is a decision that should be shared by the group. One or two will physically go to the funeral home and ultimately sign the final paperwork, but close loved ones need to be part of the process.

Some people will submerge themselves into gathering with relatives at a wake to release grief. Others might consider it disrespectful to act joyful during a time of great loss.

If you divide up tasks according to an individual's strength, you will not only get the job done, but you will help one another deal with his grief in a way that makes most sense to the individual.