Senior Spotlight: Grandparenting on a Budget

As a child I spent hours on end in the home of my Krissie, playing Go Fish (I cheated and she knew it) and stringing buttons from an old tin she kept in her kitchen. She didn't drive, so there were no elaborate shopping trips, no exotic travel destinations...just time, and I ate that up.

After I had grown up, my younger brother did the same with her. Krissie had no dollar signs attached to her, and it wasn't what we were looking for from her. She gave us what she had, and it was exactly what we needed.

If you are grandparenting on a budget, block the television commercials out of your mind and keep your eye on the thing that sets you apart from all other relatives: you are grandma/grandpa. You present unconditional love, give your time in an unrushed way, which most kids aren't used to nowadays, and you listen. You are the cushy, safe place to fall in a hectic world of scheduled soccer games, homework, scouting, etc.

It's easy to grandparent on a budget just doing what you do best and doing what your grandchild wants and needs. This applies to any grandchild's age group, too. Here are some suggestions on things to do that cost little but mean a lot to your grandchild:

Cooking: Every holiday, Krissie made a special cookie that involved a skill little fingers are good at. It was a tiny thumbprint cookie, and my fingers, she said, were the perfect size for making the indentations without splitting the fragile dough.

The indentations were filled with Damson Plum preserves, almost impossible to find, but the only thing that would do for Krissie's Sweetheart Cookies. The jar of preserves had as many stems as it did fruit, so she relied on my small fingers for the tedious task of picking out the stems and filling tiny depressions in the dough.

This same concept can translate to anything you cook. Break out all of the bowls, measuring implements, spoons, etc. at once so it looks like a project. Small children love measuring and adding, and they're very precise about their jobs.

When I mention hot chocolate, my nephew Alex jumps onto his kitchen stool, shakes the mix packets, turns them upside down and taps them in methodical way because only he is qualified to do that. He makes sure every crystal makes it into the cup.

When we make rice, he pours the water into the grain, making sure not to exceed the line. He takes his job very seriously, and he loves that he's a part of it.

As with so many normal tasks, you'll think that a child wouldn't be interested, but if the parents work, there's usually a mad dash to get dinner on the table. There's no time to oversee a toddler precisely pouring water out of a measuring cup. Most of us played with pots, pans, colanders and measuring cups growing up, so why would anyone be surprised that kids like to be in on the cooking action?

Even if you have an internal clock to take the food out, let the grandchild set the timer, and then let him be in charge of watching it. You'll be teaching him the concept of numbers---adding and subtracting---as well as making sure he's an integral part of the process.

Gardening: What child doesn't like dirt? While parents may cringe at the sight of their children's smudged faces, a grandparent runs for a camera. There are so many lessons to be learned from nature, and stories for you to impart. Most grandparents had family gardens growing up as a way of life. With town homes and apartments, your grandchild may not get to experience what it feels like to dig a hole with a trowel.

The key is to get them in on the decision making process. Even before you start planting a flower bed, set the flowers out and let your grandchild help you design and place the plants. At the very end, the watering, of course, needs to be his job, too. And if some of the water should happen to squirt him, so much the better. Make sure a camera is nearby, and then use it for a memory page of your special day later on.

Photos: Even though scrapbooking has been the rage for quite some time, many of us still have tins and shoeboxes of photos, black and white even, from long, long ago.

You don't have to get into an elaborate scrapbooking project with your grandchild, although for an older grandchild, that may be a great project. It's more costly which is why a simple album (try to make it acid free), will accomplish the same thing: letting the grandchild get to know you in a different way, and perhaps learn about relatives he never knew he had.

In my family, we've always included stories of relatives long past at family gatherings. Some of them, I've never physically met, yet I know them, and my children have come to know them. It gives us all a sense of where we come from and why we may do some of the things we do.

I learned after my maternal grandfather's death that he'd do crossword puzzles all the time, as do I. I had always thought I took after my dad with that. One day my dad made an offhanded comment to me about my grandfather, that "I took after the old man" that way. It floored me. It made me wonder what other traits I'd gotten from family members I'd never met.

As you sort through the photos, introduce your grandchildren to loved ones and possibly to themselves. I was given photos from "the old country" about 20 years ago that included a huge family portrait of my paternal grandfather's family from Austria-Hungary. When I look at that photo, it is like looking at baby and childhood photos of some of the cousins I've grown up with.

These were just old photos in a box, and eventually, the who, what, when, where and why would have died as the relatives passed. But all of the grandchildren in my family got a copy, thank goodness, and we all got the stories that came with the photos. We know where we come from. What a great gift to give your grandchildren.

What do I like?: This is possibly my favorite game that I played with my own children just to keep them quiet as we waited in the pediatrician's office for two hours for our visit. It's absolutely free.

I learned so much about my children, and they learned about me. I will do the same with my grandchildren, and I'm sure my children will do the same as they came to love the game.

Any magazine will do, but home and garden type magazines and catalogues are the best. Open it up to a spread of "something," It could be clothing, artwork, tools, dogs, whatever.

Tell the child to pick his favorite thing on the page. You may have to narrow it down to one genre. He's not to tell you what it is. Then pick out your favorite, but don't tell. The object is for each of you to guess the other's favorite.

You may think you know someone very well, but then they pick something that seems very out of character. Ask what it is they like about it, etc...colors, shapes, what sort of feeling it gives them, where would they put it, etc. Let them guess your favorite and do the same procedure. You are giving them a way to see you in a way they might never do on their own.

When it comes to grandchildren, imagination will always outweigh money. Kids are astounded by trinkets and baubles for a time, but those things are soon lost among the clutter in their rooms. Often they don't even remember what it is, let alone who gave it to them. They will, however, always remember that you took the time to play Go Fish and that you knew they were cheating (just a little bit), but you let them get away with it anyway.