Senior Spotlight: Why Your Aging Relative Should Live in Your Home

Mom isn't getting around as well as she used to. The last time you visited her she couldn't remember whether or not she had taken her morning dose of medicine. Those with aging parents will face this sort of dilemma at some point. Your natural instinct may be to insist that mom move in with your family.

Should you move an aging relative who needs care into your home with your family? The answer is as varied as the many cases involved.

Children naturally fall into the role of caring for their loved ones as they grow older. The balancing act comes in knowing how to let your relative maintain independence while you provide care. Sometimes the best way to accomplish that is to have the relative come live with you. Here are eight reasons why you should have your senior loved one live with your family.

There are lots of great reasons to have your senior loved one move in with you, some practical, others intangible:

Loneliness is Setting In
Your dad has died, and mom has been on her own for several years. She is losing friends and family, one by one. While she's not chronically ill, she's not as mobile as she once was, so she depends on people coming to her home to visit her as opposed to her getting out. The adage "Out of sight, out of mind" applies here. People mean to visit, but they don't. Depression and loneliness are starting to set in with mom. She's losing interest in the simple things that used to bring her joy.

If she comes to live with you, she will be amid the action. That 10-minute cup of coffee in the morning with you or the kids may put her in a much better frame of mind than if she woke up alone at her own house.

It's Financially Prudent
Retirement funds and Social Security benefits only stretch so far. Under the same scenario, mom and dad had two retirement accounts to get by. On dad's death, mom now has to pay all of the monthly living expenses on her income alone. She's going to struggle, and her standard of living will change dramatically. It's not how you want your mother to live her end days. If she lived with you, her monthly expenses would be covered and she'd have that retirement money for medical expenses which will go up and up, as well as travel and entertainment.

Declining Health
Perhaps mom or dad has had to face health issues that fall beyond the scope of what s/he can take care of alone. A diabetic with serious vision problems may have difficulty reading the daily tests and giving the shots. Add memory issues, and your parent could be at serious risk living on his own.

We'll be calling our parents checking up on them to see if they've taken care of health issues, and that presents its own set of problems. A parent will never be content to know that a child is checking up on him. Even though there is no loss of independence technically, the constant checking up on will make him feel like he has lost independence. Oddly, he may feel more independent living in your home, getting the extra help with health issues. It will become part of the daily routine and not a big deal as opposed to phone calls that will come off like an interrogation to the sensitive senior who has already given up so much.

It's Just Plain Convenient.
Mom may stop cooking good meals for herself because, after all, it's just her in the home. You may make up for that by delivering home-cooked meals to her home. That involves cooking, storing and transporting food which in turn requires a lot of extra time and effort. It certainly involves more effort than turning to your mother who is sitting at your left at the dining room table and saying, "Would you like more mashed potatoes".

Similarly, she may have given up driving anywhere but nearby spots due to decreased reflexes or vision problems. So, regular errands involving dry cleaning, shopping for presents, grocery shopping and the like means you are not only transporting her to and from the activity, but you will be driving to and from her home initially for pick up and delivery. If you live in the same house, you can group errands together, reserving time for family rather than errands and odd jobs.

He's Good Company
It may seem odd in today's world, but some families purely just enjoy one another's company. If there are daily phone calls or visits back and forth, why not get dad to move in with you. That physical move is actually anticlimactic since you spend so much time together anyway.

Maintains a Sense of Heritage
Your children will learn things from your parents that you probably don't even know. Life is not made up of Disneyland moments. People always talk about quality time, but the truth is you need quantity to find the quality sometimes. Your parents will tell stories about your childhood, the old neighborhood, relatives long past and history your kids might only read in textbooks as they get older. They'll develop a real sense of where they come from which, in turn, will guide them in the path they will go as adults.

It Sets an Example
You have taught your children how important it is to take care of those you love. What better way than to let them see you put that into action. Show, don't tell.

Teaches Children Responsibility
In addition to the general lesson children will get about the need to take care of loved ones and/or those in need, they'll get day-to-day lessons involving responsibility. The weight of caring for an elderly relative falls even to some of the youngest family members. It may be as simple as fetching a sweater or pulling down the shades when the sun is too bright.

Weigh the pro's and con's before making a final decision. Before you approach the aging loved one, talk it over thoroughly with your family. Their lives will change dramatically, so all must be comfortable with the decision.