Senseless Dollars and Smart Cents: Ranking the NBA's Best Values and Most Overpaid Players

Professional sports' current economic landscape generously accommodates the modern athlete from draft day until retirement and beyond. Many fans perceive the NBA as the ultimate example of frivolous spending, especially in regards to the marginal veteran player. The league's "sliding rookie salary scale" places strict limitations on the drafted player's salary, but after the rookie's first contract expires, discretion is oftentimes disregarded. For every great value in the league today, an equally unimpressive example of money in exchange for mediocrity exists. Comparing on-court performance to each NBA player's 2009-2010 salary, allows for a comprehensive examination of each team's financial makeup and reveals the spending strategies most conducive to consistent, long-term success and fulfilled championship aspirations.

Atlanta Hawks: Overall Salary Sense: A-
Best Value: All-Star Al Horford demands a "meager" $4.3 million, while contributing 14 ppg and 10 rpg. Surprisingly, Horford has yet to auction either NCAA ring to pay the bills, ala O.J. Simpson.
Most Overpaid Player: Under-used center Zaza Pachulia earns $4,750,000, while compiling modest averages of 4.7 ppg and 3.4 rpg. The gentle Georgian giant (no, not Georgia the state...) likely spends half of each paycheck on volumizer and the rest on Stoli.

Boston Celtics: Overall Salary Sense: B
Best Value: Versatile point-guard Rajon Rondo (a remarkable $2 million salary in the final year of his rookie contract) excels as facilitator for the Celtics' surrounding talent, averaging 14 ppg, 10 apg, 4 rpg, and 2.5 spg. Rondo epitomizes a rare breed of selfless player, delivering dime after dime to higher paid teammates.
Most Overpaid Player: Brian Scalabrine, "appropriately nicknamed Veal," is slated to earn $3,413,793, while averaging 1.7 ppg and less than a rebound per game, garnering future Hall of Fame consideration. The "Great White Hype" also earns extra income babysitting "Big Baby," Glen Davis.

Charlotte Bobcats: Overall Salary Sense: B+
Best Value: Ronald Murray ($1,990,000) provides great bench value. However, the pick here is leading scorer and adamant "non-role model," Stephen Jackson. Jackson should likely help out his brother-by-namesake, Rams' running back Steven Jackson with upcoming court costs.
Most Overpaid Player: Easy choice. Tyson Chandler. $11,700,000 in exchange for 6.6 ppg and 7 rpg. Expect Chandler to face charges stemming from an illegal Ponzi scheme in the near future.

Chicago Bulls: Overall Salary Sense: C+
Best Value: All-Star reserve Derrick Rose is the obvious choice. In related news, Rose has chosen not to allow a more talented player to play in his place in the All-Star Game, ala high school ACT.
Most Overpaid Player: Former Olympian and 2-time All-Star Brad Miller's "bear market" performance as Bull-bust likely causes MJ's hair to gray. The "Chicago Hope-less" center credits this haircut for a career turnaround.

Cleveland Cavaliers: Overall Salary Sense: Incomplete
Best Value: If James is King, J.J. Hickson is the pauper at the paltry price tag of $1,429,200. Hickson exceeds draftexpress.com's worst-case scenario comparison to former bust, Sharrod Ford.
Most Overpaid Player: At a $21,000,000 price tag that would make the kid from Blank Check blush, Shaq must = Championship. Otherwise, critics will consider the Cavs' expensive chemistry experiment an epic meltdown. Potential new nicknames include "Shaq-spensive," "Shaq-Premium Unleaded," and "Cheapquille O'Neal." Fans everywhere continue to field refund requests for renting "Kazaam," albeit a decade ago.

Dallas Mavericks: Overall Salary Sense: B-
Best Value: Rookie Rodrique Beaubois has been an efficient role player for the Mavericks this season. Beaubois plans to create additional income through the "Mark Cuban Stimulus Plan."
Most Overpaid Player: Erick Dampier demands a healthy $12,115,500 sum. The Mississippi State big man is famous for stuffing Benjamins in his headband for the routine halftime concession run. Dampier makes the Cowboys' Roy Williams seem like a bargain... no, not quite, sorry Roy.

Denver Nuggets: Overall Salary Sense: A-
Best Value: Gold-nugget rookie Ty Lawson ($1,438,680) has been electric off the bench for the Denver dandies. Lawson plans on donating a portion of his next paycheck to the Timberwolves' front office for making his draft day trade a reality.
Most Overpaid Player: Chicken-nugg et Kenyon Martin ($15,852,511) is a shell of his former self, due to injury. Expect Martin to donate heavily to "time-travel" research, ala Doc Brown, to avoid the injuries that caused his demise, meaning this article was never written. This K-Mart should not go bankrupt.

Detroit Pistons: Overall Salary Sense: C-
Best Value: Rodney Stuckey ($1,805,040) is a poor man's Isaiah Thomas. No, not even close, but Stuckey is the Pistons' 2^nd leading scorer, In spite of lacking a polished perimeter game.
Most Overpaid Players: Tayshaun Prince ($10,324,380) and Jason Maxiell ($5,000,000) share this dubious distinction. Neither is playing even close to past performance standards, while both are lucky to survive in a city struggling to make ends meet. The former Beijing Olympic gold-medal recipient, Prince has a bad case of Brad-Miller Disease, leaving the fan to question if Chinese food is truly a wise choice.

Golden State Warriors: Overall Salary Sense: B+
Best Value: Rookie sniper Stephen Curry ($2,710,560) gels with the run-and-gun squad. With the next contract, Davidson's "David" will break free from daddy, Dell's coattails. Curry is considering lucrative Gold's Gym, Valvoline, and Trojan endorsements to cast aside a "choir-boy" image.
Most Overpaid Player: Andris Biedrins ($9,000,000) simply belongs elsewhere. Biedrins is a serviceable defensive player and rebounder, but the lavished Latvian is 2 for 20 from the line. Allow that single stat to sink in.... Good, now go grab a fresh pair of pants. Somewhere, Mario Mendoza smiles.

Houston Rockets: Overall Salary Sense: C-
Best Value: Aaron Brooks ($1,118,520) is the Rockets' leading scorer and one of the NBA's "best buys." In an ironic turn of events, Brooks will be featured in a series of upcoming Circuit City ads.
Most Overpaid Player: Tracy McGrady has played less than 20 minutes this season, but is slated to earn $22,843,124 (quite the hourly wage). The near All-Star makes slightly less than the team's entire active roster. Maybe the "sleepy" small forward will finally buy a can of Red Bull. ... each, for the entire Houston population.

Indiana Pacers: Overall Salary Sense: B
Best Value: Former Hoyas' center Roy Hibbert ($1,575,360) has steadily improved throughout a brief stint in the NBA. Bored with Indiana, the center has worked effortlessly to refine his game and currently welcomes suggestions on an upcoming next shirt purchase. (Please click the link).
Most Overpaid Player: Jeff Foster's ($6,077,500) salary certainly inspires a rough case of head-scratching. The example of blue-collar player for a white-collar price should not be confused with the better Jeff Foster.

Los Angeles Clippers: Overall Salary Sense: B-
Best Value: The Clippers, even without Blake Griffin, have improved dramatically. Eric Gordon ($2,819,880) has contributed admirably as the team's surprising 2^nd leading scorer. Gordon's timely Christmas' bonus enabled him to get a drink in SoHo on his birthday.
Most Overpaid Player: Former top pick Camby ($9,150,000) has largely disappointed during his tenure in the "City of Angels." Maybe Camby will invest in a better tattoo.

Los Angeles Lakers: Overall Salary Sense: B+
Best Value: Without a deserving alternative, Kobe Bryant ($23,034,375) earns every penny. The best player since MJ has 4 rings and may need the thumb sized in the near future.
Most Overpaid Player: Adam Morrison and Sasha Vujacic form a dubious duo. Both "white-washers" earn salaries exceeding $5 million and average less than 3 ppg. The "next Larry Bird" and Maria Sharapova's "Machine" are simply Enron-awful investments.

Memphis Grizzlies: Overall Salary Sense: A-
Best Value: Memphis reaps the benefits of high-flying Rudy Gay's ($3,280,997) rookie contract. The former Husky currently averages 20 ppg with the surging Grizzlies. Expect the Memphis front-office to "make it rain," when the future All-Star's current contract expires.
Most Overpaid Player: Fellow Connecticut-alum Hasheem Thabeet ($4,458,840) deserves a rare rookie inclusion on the "most overpaid" list. The 2009 2^nd overall pick, Thabeet averages only 10.9 minutes per game, while being a complete non-factor on the offensive end. Fellow Memphis rookies Sam Young and Demarre Carroll are posting better numbers than "Tha-bust." Imagine if the Grizzlies had drafted a different top 10 pick such as Tyreke Evans, Stephen Curry, or Brandon Jennings, ouch.

Miami Heat: Overall Salary Sense: B-
Best Value: For now, the Heat is getting great value fromMichael Beasley's ($4,638,600) rookie contract. Rehab should be credited for the former 2^nd pick's continued progress as Miami's 2^nd leading scorer. Beasley's future remains intriguing, in light of a potential Dwayne Wade departure.
Most Overpaid Player: Jermaine O'Neal ($23,016,000). No comment.

Milwaukee Bucks: Overall Salary Sense: B
Best Value: The Bucks struck gold with sensational guard Brandon Jennings ($2,168,520) in the 2009 Draft. Expect a few more players in the future to choose a "foreign education." Jennings is already "Milwaukee's Best" scorer and will be living the "High Life," when his rookie contract expires.
Most Overpaid Player: Dan Gadzuric ($6,749,260) is the choice in a landslide. The Bruin big man averages 2.7 ppg, a level of ineptitude only rivaled by the Cleveland Browns, forcing Bucks' fans to adopt "Gad-zuric!" as a new curse word.

Minnesota Timberwolves: Overall Salary Sense: B-
Best Value: Much love for Kevin Love's ($3,401,040) efficiency as a 15 ppg, 12 rpg contributor. The former Bruin also enjoys Mall of America shopping sprees and long walks in the snow.
Most Overpaid Player: Brian Cardinal is slated to earn $6,750,000 this season in exchange for a current sub-2 ppg average. However, the former Boilermaker forward exerts tremendous effort during practice and serves as the team's current leader in hair loss. The Wolves' front-office committed a "cardinal sin," by spending nearly $7 million on a player with a career average of 5.4 ppg.

New Jersey Nets: Overall Salary Sense: C
Best Value: Walter Mattheau is likely rolling over in his grave from the Nets' historically-horrible 1^st half of the 2009-2010 season. A rare bright sport, Chris Douglas-Roberts has earned his $736,420 salary and the prestige of a hyphenated last-name.
Most Overpaid Player: Bobby Simmons averages 5 points a game and makes $11,242,666. Simmons has quite possibly the greatest gig in NBA history. The former NBA's Most-Improved Award winner could undoubtedly win the award next year in a landslide, by doubling his current stat totals.

New York Knicks: Overall Salary Sense: D+
Best Value: The Knicks' leading scorer,David Lee ($7,000,000), certainly garners consideration, but the award goes to steady contributor, Wilson Chandler ($1,255,440). At 22, Chandler serves as a rare bright spot for arguably the league's worst financially-managed team. Chandler regularly donates to a change jar to help the Knicks' save for the upcoming "James-race."
Most Overpaid Player: The Knicks' charitable donation to big-bust Eddy Curry ($10,500,423) is certainly commendable. Curry has amassed 62 minutes of playing time this season, a considerable upgrade from last year's 12-minute output, equaling a jaw-dropping 74 minutes in a year and a half. Curry should seriously consider enrollment into a vocational school to start a career more adequately rewarding his talents, lack thereof.

Oklahoma City Thunder: Overall Salary Sense: A-
Best Value: The Thunder benefits the most from the rookie salary scale, including one of the league's elite in Durant ($4,796,880). The purest scorer to enter the league in years will handsomely reap the rewards with the next NBA contract. Durant continues to pay child support to Sonics' fans, unfortunately missing the best thing to ever happen to the transplanted franchise.
Most Overpaid Player: Etan Thomas demands nearly $8 million while penciling in 4 ppg. Thomas apparently spends his free time following the success of alma mater, Syrcacuse, and not on personal player development.

Philadelphia 76ers: Overall Salary Sense: C+
Best Value: All-Star (cough) Allen Iverson ($650,686) must be the choice for the lowly Sixers. Iverson still puts fans in the stands and A.I.'s presence is not ultimately hurting Philadelphia's overall progress, or lack thereof. With such a modest salary, Iverson practices less than ever before.
Most Overpaid Player: Philadelphia's 4^th leading-scorer, Elton Brand ($14,858,472), demands the team's highest salary. The former All-Star no longer dominates the post or glass as in years past, yet, refuses to pick up the dinner tab for his less fortunate teammates.

Phoenix Suns: Overall Salary Sense: A
Best Value: New addition Channing Frye ($1,990,000) gives the up-tempo Suns a rare three-point threat from the center position, ala "The Big Smooth" Sam Perkins. The former University of Arizona star, Frye, currently shoots over 43% from beyond the arc. There's no place like home.
Most Overpaid Player: Relatively speaking, swingman Jason Richardson ($13,333,332) is the Suns' most overpaid player, albeit slightly. Richardson makes more money than NBA MVP teammate Steve Nash and the former Spartan should at least pay the difference.

Portland Trailblazers: Overall Salary Sense: A-
Best Value: Without a doubt, Brandon Roy ($3,910,816) tops the Blazers' bargain-bin buys. The All-Star guard is singularly responsible for the Blazers' success in the face of injury after injury. With the next contract, Roy should add prestige to namesake and go by Brandon Roy (pronounced "wah"), ala Patrick.
Most Overpaid Player: Reserve center Joel "Price-billa" is Portland's "Roger Dorn," over-priced talent minus the talent. The former "Golden Gopher" 1st round pick has continued the mascot's role, professionally.

Sacramento Kings: Overall Salary Sense: C+
Best Value: Forward Jason Thompson's steady value is overshadowed by Rookie of the Year-favorite Tyreke Evans ($3,610,080). Evans currently averages over 20 ppg and gives the mediocre Kings hope for the future. In related news, Evans was the first in line when Sacramento hosted "$1 Beer Night" earlier this season.
Most Overpaid Player: Kenny Thomas ($8,775,000) is a "Lobo-low blow" to the Kings' pocketbooks, averaging 1.6 PPG. Thomas regularly wipes his rear end with the "Geico" money stack.

San Antonio Spurs: Overall Salary Sense: A-
Best Value: Dejaun Blair and George Hill share honors with salaries close to $1 million. The undersized Blair is one of the NBA's most pleasant rookie surprises. The two "underpaid" role players cut costs by sharing an apartment, bunk-bed, and girlfriend.
Most Overpaid Player: New Spur Richard Jefferson's ($14,200,000) play unfortunately does not warrant his high-dollar price tag. Jefferson must play more efficiently down the stretch if the aging Spurs want to capitalize on a championship-window, closing fast. The former Net's inspiration: daily shining Pop's Championship rings.

Toronto Raptors: Overall Salary Sense: B
Best Value: Steady play from rookie swingman Demar Derozan's ($2,282,640) exceeds expectations. Derozan plans to donate considerably to aid USC's cover-up of future NCAA infractions, in addition to a warm pair of mittens to brave the Canadian winters.
Most Overpaid Player: Newly acquired Hedo Turkoglo ($9,000,000) deserves the dubious distinction of one of the league's most unsound foreign fiscal policies. The former "Magic-man" has yet to wow Toronto crowds, to the ho-hum tune of 12.4 ppg. Hedo credits "ball" for previous success and blames "ball" for present shortcomings.

Utah Jazz: Overall Salary Sense: B+
Best Value: Rookie Wesley Matthews ($457,588) merits the super-savings selection. The Marquette guard averages 8 ppg, working for NBA "chump change." The Jazz repeatedly discovers draft-day "diamonds in the rough," to become amongst the league's most consistent teams of late.
Most Overpaid Player: "Ak-47" Andrei Kirilenko hit the lottery. The Jazz forward assumes not only one of sports' best nicknames, but inherits a team-leading contract of $16,452,000. Kirilenko, a 12 ppg career scorer, is a solid all-around performer, but in no way demands All-Star caliber cash. Kyle Korver, a close choice for 2^nd.

Washington Wizards: Overall Salary Sense: D
Best Value: Nick Young ($1,714,800) serves as another pleasant So-Cal surprise in the guard's third season in the NBA. Expect the shooter's role to expand considerably, out of necessity. Young remains the "darkhorse" choice to win the Wizard's 2009-2010 "Survivor" cash contest.
Most Overpaid Player: The Wizards' Mike James ($6,446,600) has played in 3 games due to injury, making similarly hobbled 10 ppg scorer, Mike Miller ($9,780,937), a more compelling case as fiscal flop. Deshawn Stevenson ($3,883,929) wins the award for futility, averaging 2.4 ppg and shooting an abysmal 29% from field and 19% beyond the arc. The Wizards' repulsive season lingers on and on, an utter disaster on and off the court.

Reference: All stats, salaries, and biographical information current as of February 2, 2010, according to www.espn.com.