Sensory Avoidance

i don't want to

see think breathe hear

feel

anything

tonight.

the world is spinning much too fast

i think i might fall off.

are there other planets out there

that would take me

as their own?

there used to be a sign on my door

that said

no talking after 2 a.m.

because i lose my mind a little

in the darkest parts of night

i hurt more then

i laugh more then

i watch through closed-tight eyes

for something safe to come along.

i want to break a mirror

to see if i'll break too.

something like security

and then it's gone and i can't make myself

be understood

that isn't what i want at all-

all i want is this.

in the hours creeping forward i will hear

a key in the lock

your footsteps in the hall

i will feel your body sinking down

in the warm space next to mine

i will wrap myself in your attention

closed up tight inside the compass

of your arms

wipe my mind clean

breathe with your breaths

make myself pretend

i didn't see.