"Serious Sam 3" Hopes to Fund Boob Job

My favorite part of first person shooter (FPS) games is shooting things. I mean, shooting is in the category in which it is named. But FPS games began to forget about the appeal of shooting things somewhere after "Serious Sam," "Duke Nukem," and the original "Doom" series. For a long time, FPS games became less about shooting things and more about random escort objectives in simulated war zones as reported around the world while dealing with buggy AI teammates and teabagging online foes yelling curses into their headsets. I blame modern generation graphics striving for super realism and "Halo" for its accepted mediocrity. I miss the days where I could pop in a FPS games where it's just me, a bag of guns, and enough bad guys to try out the shooting and explosive physics on.

But with the successful release of "Bulletstorm," a FPS game where the objective for the levels seem to be "Kill everyone" and the return of the trigger happy misanthrope Duke Nukem himself, my favorite type of FPS is coming back in form. Now Croteam and Developer Digital are joining the fun FPS market by announcing their upcoming FPS game "Serious Sam 3 BFE," which CEO Fork Parker claims will help fund his wife's new breasts.

Croteam announced how "Serious Sam 3 BFE' will continue Earth's struggle against aliens and mercenaries and will feature "frantic arcade-style action, "fearsome legions," "serious melee attacks," and "multiplayer mayhem." All of these features are great for the game but tend to be bullet point features among FPS games. So Fork Parker decided to add something memorable to the press release to garner attention by saying, "Holy crap, I am going to make a boatload of cash off this game. I mean that's what this is all about, right? If this thing comes out in the summer my wife is totally getting the t*t job she's been asking for."

When asked for further comment, all Fork added was, "Bam. T*t job."

I admit that the fun FPS games always had an air of sophomoric immaturity such as watching things explode in a grisly yet aesthetically laughable manner or the need to pump some of the graphics budget to incorporate female jiggle physics. And while such jiggle physics tend to make certain news stations -namely Fox-label these games and gamers as misogynists, the developers and marketing teams know that:

A) The point of these games is pure trigger happy fun, something current generation FPS games like "Call of Duty" forgot.

B) A little controversy makes for a lot of publicity, which results in more sales.

Whether the money earned from "Serious Sam 3 BFE" will be used for Fork's wife's breast augmentation is true or not, at least the word is out that "Serious Sam" is coming back. Now to continue with this advertising campaign, perhaps Fork will show off before, during, and after pictures of his wife as the sales come in. Maybe "Playboy" can get in on this for a cross promotion.