Sermon Ideas for the Funeral of a Person Who Committed Suicide

I was a senior in high school when one of my uncles committed suicide. He had been plagued for years with chronic leg and back pain. One morning, my parents woke me up and told me that the uncle had died. "Was he sick?" I asked. "No, he shot himself," my father replied.

I attended the funeral, but I can't remember anything that the minister said in his sermon. All I could think of was a question: "Why would someone want to kill himself?"

Years later, I graduated from seminary and began a career as a pastor. During my time leading a congregation, I had to officiate at the funerals of three people who had committed suicide. It's difficult enough to say something when the deceased has died a normal death or died from an accident or disease, but what do you say when the person has committed suicide?

I soon learned, from talking with surviving family members, that there are certain topics that need to be addressed, because they are on the minds of many of the survivors.

The Issue of Emotions. While many people assume that grief is the first thing felt by surviving family members and friends, that is not necessarily so. Grief is, of course, a common reaction, one that comes with almost every death, regardless of its cause. Anger, however, is an all too common response toward the person who has committed suicide. As I sat with the family members of a man who had hanged himself, his daughter suddenly got up, walked across the room, and shouted, "He had no right!"

Anger is a natural response toward a person who would take his or her own life. That person assumes that suicide would be the best thing for everyone. It rarely is. If the person would have asked the family if they wanted him or her dead, the answer would probably have been "No!" Rather than solve problems, a suicide only creates more problems, whether financial or emotional. The only one whose problem is solved is the one who has died, and, given some time and perspective, that problem would have been solved or disappeared anyway. Suicide is usually an overreaction to what may be a painful, but not overwhelming situation. It's no wonder that survivors, who often have a better perspective on the situation and on life, tend to be angry.

Survivors need to be reassured that their anger is not sinful, but understandable. The funeral sermon is a good place to acknowledge that you understand that they are struggling with anger.

The Issue of Personal Guilt. Early in my ministry at a church in Iowa, I was called and informed that a member of my congregation had committed suicide. I drove to his home and arrived just as his wife, who had been out of town, got there. She saw me and immediately said, "It's all my fault." She explained that she had told him that she wanted a divorce. She saw her husband's suicide as a direct result of her demand.

Over the years, I've had to tell people, whether alone or in the congregations that gather for a funeral, that there is no one cause for a person committing suicide. There may be precipitating factors that directly lead to the death, but there are underlying thoughts and life-patterns that make possible and even "justify" the person's decision to commit suicide. How does the person see himself? How strong are her relationships with others? What kind of religious faith, if any, does the person have? What other traumatic events have taken place in the person's life? How much pain is the person willing to bear?

I tell people at a funeral for one who has committed suicide not to make the mistake of thinking that they are so important and influential that they are directly responsible for a person's actions. Just as it takes many small and large streams to make a river, so it takes many influences and events to lead a person to commit suicide.

The Issue of Salvation and Forgiveness. For some Christian believers, there is the conviction that suicide is the unforgivable sin--because once you commit it, it's too late to ask forgiveness. My answer is twofold: first, why pick suicide as the unforgivable sin? Suppose you commit any sin--large or small--and you die before asking forgiveness, doesn't that make that particular sin unforgivable? Second, when Christ died for you to pay for your sins, how many of your sins had you committed? The answer, of course, is none of them, because you were born centuries after Christ died.

When you accepted Christ as Lord and Savior, how many of your sins did he pay for? The answer is all of them. He died on the cross for all of your sins, many of which you had not even committed when you accepted him by faith. So, if that's right, suicide can't be an unforgivable sin. After my brother committed suicide, my nephew asked me where I thought my brother was after he died. He was really asking the question about suicide and forgiveness.

I know there are different views about salvation, sin, and forgiveness. I'm giving you what I understand to be true as I read the Bible.

God's Love and Grace. Finally, I try to present God as one who loves us and is gracious (giving us things we don't deserve). We do many things to disappoint God, but if we belong to God, we will always be God's beloved children. The story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 is a good illustration of a loving father welcoming home a son who has strayed and wasted his life. Think of God rather than the father and you will have a better understanding of how God through Christ sees us...no matter how much we may mess up our lives.