Setting Boundaries Allows You to Tell People No

I recently had a week off from my job for fall break. This should have been a time of relaxation, travel and fun. Yet I found myself quite busy. Not busy doing things I like. Rather busy do things for other people that I didn't like. What made this fact even more interesting is that I noticed my wife, although not off from work, also busy doing things for other people she didn't want to do. We both could've used a lesson in setting boundaries. By this I simply mean, when to say yes and when to say no. When to let people into your life or business, and when to keep them out.

Setting boundaries allows you to tell people no. There are times in life you simply need to do that. It doesn't mean that your are trying to be rude, selfish or inconsiderate. It simply means that that there are certain things you are not going to allow. I will provide the following example. I was recently asked to do some work for a person who we will call Janet. The work was an assignment for a class she was taking. Janet needed the work done and asked another person, Susan if I would help. Now I certainly didn't mind helping, however instead of helping I ended up doing ALL the work. What made this really frustrating is that I really felt Janet should be doing this job on her own. Now keep in mind this was an important job. As I mentioned it was part of a class an had an effect on the outcome of this person's grade. However the responsibility lie with the person taking the class and not myself. I however failed to put up a boundary. A boundary that simply said no, I won't be able to do this assignment. My failure to do so caused me to be asked to help continuously through out the time the were taking the course.

My wife recently neglected to set a boundary. She had a close member of her family who was throwing a birthday party. The party was for a child. My wife didn't mind helping but as in the previous example most of the work was passed along to her. She spent most of her day off waiting at a pizza place to hold a table for this party. She woke up early on her Saturday off to do this. She didn't come home until late in the evening. Needless to say this is not the way she wanted to spend her day off after a long week of work. Again the inability to set up a boundary, cost her time she could have spent doing something else.

It is important to mentioned that all of the people mentioned in these examples are nice people. At heart, the people asking the favors probably had good intentions. But when someone ask too much of you, or they come to a point where they expect you to go along with everything, something must be done. If you don't speak up and set a boundary, they will never know they have crossed one!

I could go on with several other examples. My point is simple. There are times when we need to set up boundaries that simply say no! It doesn't have to be rude, and we shouldn't be manipulated into feeling guilty because we say no. I'm not saying be mean or to go off on someone who makes a request of you. I'm simply saying stick up for yourself. Realize your time is important and that it's ok to not please everyone. Usually even when you try to please everyone, you eventually fail!