Setting Boundaries and Keeping Teenagers Safe

Teenagers are faced with many choices and many parents find adolescence to be a difficult stage. Their child starts to push them away in favour of friends and may experiment with alcohol, drugs and sex. In their book, Teen Stages (Finch Publishing, 2004), Ken and Elizabeth Mellor list strategies for keeping teenagers as safe as possible.

Teenagers Need More Freedom as They Mature

Parents need to release teens gradually, allowing more freedom as years pass and they mature. If freedom is not given teenagers will often rebel and do what they want to anyway. While it can be worrying and stressful for parents to allow a teen to borrow the family car or go on a first date, these are milestones that have to be passed. The important thing is allowing the right amount of freedom at the right time in order to protect the teen and keep him safe.

Questions to Ask Teenagers

Most teenagers dislike being questioned and it is best to reduce the number of questions as the child matures and shows more responsibility. Having said that, however, it is reasonable to expect the following information, especially when the teenager is still relatively young:

• Where is the teen going?
• Who is supplying transport there and back?
• What level of risk, if any, is involved?
• Who else will be there?
• Will there be any adult supervision?
• What time will the teen be home?

Having the answers at hand is a safety measure in case the child needs help or wants to get away from an uncomfortable situation.

Parental Interference is Often Necessary

Teens often think they are invincible and may regard parent's questions as interference. In spite of that, enforced boundaries give them a measure of security as well as protection from dangerous activities. Parents should not be afraid to enforce rules if the teen is behaving foolishly.

While every family has different values, danger points for teens are often the same and include sex, alcohol, drugs, reckless driving and friends who are a bad influence. Make a point of discussing these things from early adolescence and although the child may be uncomfortable, the repetition should have an effect. Ultimately, the teen should begin to make wiser choices with less parental influence needed.

Teenage years can be dangerous as children try out their wings and experience what the world has to offer. Parents can aid the process by allowing increasing freedom, asking questions about intended activities and setting boundaries. They should not be afraid to interfere if the teen is dabbling in dangerous activities.