Setting Boundaries in Place for Young Children

In her book, Mothers & Sons, Jo Howard makes some suggestions of how to set limits in place to safeguard children and teach them to live responsibly. Here are some ideas of how to implement boundaries in a family:

• Make sure the expectations are age-appropriate

• Encourage responsibility by allowing a little more freedom as the child matures

• Set limits that are reasonable and attainable by the child

• Be consistent on following through with boundaries. If the child disobeys, let there be a consequence

• Offer choices that are reasonable so the child learns how to make wise decisions. This might be something as simple as choosing between orange and apple juice while pointing out that cola is not an option

• Ensure the child understands the boundaries as well as the consequences if they are not adhered to

• Focus on the positive and teach the child what he can do rather than emphasizing what he is not allowed to do

• Show appreciation to your child and acknowledge his efforts to comply with boundaries. Create a positive atmosphere and don't linger on the negative if he does need punishment or correction

Problem Areas where Boundaries need to be in Place

Every family is unique and as such, the rules and boundaries should be tailored towards individual circumstances. If children learn to live within boundaries when they are young, the ability to self-discipline when they become teenagers should be greater. Areas to consider include the following:

• Children learn at a very young age that money is desirable and can buy them things. A wise parent will teach the value of money from childhood. A child can do simple chores to earn an allowance and it is a good idea to open a bank account for him. He can be taught that a certain amount should be saved while the rest can be enjoyed. The savings could be withdrawn once or twice a year for a special occasion such as Christmas

• When there is more than one child in the family, fighting is a common problem. Set boundaries in place such as no physical contact, no swearing and no inflicting damage on property

• Children have the ability to make a mess very quickly. Set rules in place about tidying toys and bedrooms. If toys are not picked up, confiscate them for a period of time

• Don't allow a child to backchat or be cheeky to an adult. Teach him how to speak respectfully and not to interrupt an adult conversation

• Eating can be a battlefield in some families. Ensure that you cook a variety of foods and never force a child to eat something he genuinely dislikes. Having said that, provide balanced meals and keep desserts as a treat

Boundaries in a home are essential for maintaining peace and order. It is possible to teach young children about rules and limits and these should make for a happier household. A child who is used to obeying authority will generally be better behaved as a teenager.

Reference:

Mothers & Sons, Jo Howard, Lothian Books, 2001