Seven Dating Tips for Women Who Want to Stay Sane

The other day, my wonderful, smart, funny, and gorgeous colleague came by my cubicle with a dilemma. It's the same dilemma that I've heard repeatedly over the years, from too many girl friends, and even complete strangers, to count.

"This guy and I had a few dates. Everything was going fine. It's been three days since I last saw him, and he hasn't called. Why hasn't he called?"

I'm paraphrasing, of course, because the actual story usually takes at least twenty minutes to tell. Every detail, from how they met to a random mention of his mother during the first date to the timing of the last kiss, or lack thereof, is important in the storytelling, because how are we supposed to make a good analysis of the situation at hand if we don't know every minute detail. Right?

Don't get me wrong. I love hearing about my girl friends' lives. I find them rich and interesting, and I do my best to help however I can. To be fair, my guy friends ask me for advice too, so it's not just women who are neurotic and overly-analytical.

I myself have the same traits, so I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, but women come to me for advice because I've never fretted about a date when I was single.

To be very honest, I've always considered myself blessed when it came to the dating scene; I haven't had the typical problems that most women tell me about regarding a new love interest. Looking back, I can see where my attitude and some of these women's diverge, so here are some tips that can hopefully make dating life a little more fulfilling.

1. Have fun
Your date is not an interview. It is also not the time to be analyzing. Enjoy your outing; you're on a date, so start acting like it!

Even if it was disastrous, laugh it off; it is only a date, after all. The less awkward you make him feel, the more likely he will want to call you again.

2. Keep your own life
So you had your date on Saturday. It's Tuesday and he hasn't called. Is it time to start wondering what to do or if he's interested?

The last time I was asked "What did you do when you were dating and so-and-so didn't call?" I thought about it for a long time, and my mind came up blank. Either every guy I dated called within a couple of days of every date or it just never occurred to me that the phone hasn't been ringing; I think the latter is more probable.

If you are busy catching up with friends and family, exercising, and scheduling in time for your hobbies, would you really have time to keep an ear out for the phone?

3. Read the news
It keeps things in perspective and makes you a more well-rounded person. Besides, what are you going to talk about on your future dates - How uncomfortable your couch is when you sit by the phone all week long?

4. Dating multiple men is not a bad thing!
Related to Item 2, I highly recommend this.

I know some of my friends' concerns have to do with how they don't feel right because they give their all to a guy, and I don't recommend doing something that doesn't feel right to you. But, multiple dates doesn't equal making out with multiple men. It means keeping an open mind and not falling unreasonably fast into relationship mode. With anyone. How are you able to find out what's best for you if you devote all your energy to one man that you've casually known for only a few months?

Until you and your partner have the exclusivity talk, why not enjoy meeting different people? Why set yourselves up with poor assumptions and push yourself into a lonely corner when your date's commitment level isn't on the same wavelength as yours?

5. Respect yourself
I've seen women give their numbers to men literally within the first and only ten seconds of interaction. If you give out your information so freely, why would they want to call?

Maybe you say, "No, I don't do that", but do you give off a vibe of wanting a serious relationship regardless of who the guy is? If a man dropped off the face of the earth for a month and come back without a valid explanation, do you take him back?

How about if the man has made it clear that he doesn't want a long term relationship, do you stick around and hope that he will change his mind? Do you tell yourself that he doesn't know just how right you are for him or that he is sending mixed signals?

6. Remember it's not a competition
The last conversation I had with my colleague, she told me that she really wasn't that interested in the man who she had been fretting about for the entire month.

I bring this up because I see this so often. If you aren't even all that interested in the man in question, why does it matter if he calls?

Sometimes, we are so conditioned to want to "win" that we can't see the forest for the trees. If we just let those experiences go and learn from them, we would free ourselves from unnecessary stress and wasted time.

7. Don't be jealous of what other women have
I hope I don't sound harsh, but I've noticed this trait in many women who have similar patterns of dates that never become relationships. This is the general complaint that I'd hear or read:

"I'm beautiful, smart, funny, witty, [insert other positive traits here]. This girl that I know is unattractive, dull, dumb, and is mean to her boyfriend. I'm so much better. Why does she have a boyfriend and I don't? What does he see in her anyway?"

Funnily enough, whenever I hear or read a complaint like this, characteristics such as being kind, compassionate, or empathetic are never on the list of the woman's personal traits.

Rest assured, this attitude is one of the fastest ways to send any guy off. Heck, it's probably the fastest way to send your girl friends off too.

None of this is about playing some kind of game. Just remember that there are two people in a romantic relationship. Oftentimes, women stay stagnant and wait for the man to make the decision of where a relationship is going; we forget that we are one half of the relationship! Don't sit back and wait for the decision to be made for your life, because it won't be based on what's best for you. Be proactive in what happens to you and you will feel happier and more fulfilled.

Your time as a single woman is precious; enjoy it while you can!