Seven Steps to Greatness

Near the end of His earthly ministry, Jesus, the Christ shared a vital piece of advice with his disciples--that inner circle of friends He developed to continue His ministry, and to replicate it through more than two millennia now. He said to them: "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave." (Matt. 20:25-27) Luke reports what Jesus continued to say during this conversation: "For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. You are those who have stood by me in my trials. And I confer on you a kingdom, just as my Father conferred one on me, so that you may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel." (Luke 22:27-30--All quotes from the New International Version unless noted otherwise).
We learn at least three important lessons in this piece of advice: 1) Position alone does not confer greatness; 2) Service to others defines greatness; 3) The power to rule is conferred on those who serve sincerely, without being begrudged.
But this greatness does not come without prices. It does not occur without daunting challenges. In my specific case the challenges have been rejection by women!
Let me explain.
Four specific rejections played significant roles in my life as I moved along the Change Continuum, being transformed from crime to contribution. The most recent one came tonight. I telephoned a friend--euphemistically called these days--a significant other, a woman with whom I had an 10-year relationship. After the usual greetings and some light chit chat, I heard through the receiver: "I'm waiting to watch the game." (Duke vs Carolina, the final game of the regular season in a nationally recognized rivalry). I responded, the surprise evident in my voice: "You're not a sports fan, why are you getting ready to watch the game." This woman is a television addict, but mostly dramas, scarcy movies and such, no science fiction (one of my favorites), and certainly no sports. Then came the chilling reply: "Sometimes you have to learn to do some of the things your man likes." Not a bad answer unless you know that I also don't care to watch televised sports. Throughout the remainder of the five or six minute conversation, she struggled mightily to clean up the comment, and simply dug the hole deeper. Mercifully, I said: "Look, let me get back to work. I have to get ready to travel two days this coming week.
Later, as I pondered what the comment really meant, I noticed three important issues: 1) I was neither upset, disappointed, nor suprised; 2) My attitude was more like a person coming to the end of a chapter in the middle of an excellent book. You think for a moment about what you've just read. You learn whatever lessons are available. Now your anticipation focuses on the next chapter; 3) this was a rejection that pushed me to an outstanding pinnacle of personal development.
The experience, too rich to keep to myself, too potentially beneficial not to share, reveals the amazing significance of three similar rejections, each by a woman, that loom large as benchmarks in my progress to service-focused greatness.
Rejection for me began on the ninth day of my life when my mother, a 20-year-old college student in Durham, North Carolina, walked into the welfare department in that city, handed her newborn--me--with the birth name Oliver Wendell Jones, to a social worker and disappeared. To my knowledge I have never seen her again. Obviously, I cannot remember what she looked like. Just as obviously, I was too young to understand the significance of that rejection. I didn't get it until many years later.
The second rejection occurred in 1966 while I was on parole in Washington, NC--fondly referred to as "Little" Washington--when my first wife left me to move in with a former boyfriend across the street from where I still lived. One day, when I should have been heading to work at the local Holiday Inn, I exploded in rage, grabbed the barrel of a shotgun, kicked in the apartment door, dragged her to the street and tried to beat her to death. Fortunately, I failed, but a couple of days later, I was headed back to prison for another two years. Two years later, after my final release, this same woman continued her rejection and my uncontrolled rage almost triggered again a process that would have led me back to prison, or worse. Fortunately, God calmed me and I went home to Durham instead.
Twelve years ago, my second wife left, after 21 years, because she had simply grown weary of the arduous task of being married to someone struggling along the Change Continuum.
Let me say clearly, I don't blame my mother, my first or second wife, or this final "significant" other for their decisions. Each of them did what they thought best at the time. That's not the point of this article. My point is to share with you a growth process that empowers me and will empower you to survive, even thrive, when the thunderous downpour of adversities threaten to drown your happiness.
There it is! Thirty-two years, 16 months and nine days of relationships with women--from mother to wives to significant other--all ended in rejection. That the relationships ended does not bother me. I am, however, amazed at the growth I've achieved since that awful day of rage in the streets of "Little" Washington during the summer of 1966. I realized tonight that I have made it through the seven steps to greatness as I travel along the Change Continuum to a profound transformation that empowers me to become useful to people. In other words, I have become "as one who serves." I learned tonight that serving people occupies a vitally more important place in my life than any potential trauma, emotional or otherwise. I have learned to never allow circumstances, situations or conditions to trick me into cheating myself out of the tremendous destiny ahead. Jesus described it this way to His disciples: "You are those who have stood by me in my trials. And I confer on you a kingdom just as my Father conferred one on me."
Becoming a servant might well be one of life's most daunting challenges, largely because it's so contrary to our nature. But in the process, I have learned seven important steps that define an individual's growth into the nature of a servant.
First, avoid confusion! You must anticipate greatness as an unwavering reality, an achievable objective that you move toward no matter how long the journey. You must also believe you can reach this pinnacle of personal growth. You must clarify life's issues, both those that propel you forward, and those that impede your progress.
Second, engage education! Become a daily, lifelong learner. Challenge everything you think you know. Hold onto only that which proves useful as you apply the principles and experience the outcomes.
Third, focus in the right direction! Never try to live with your attention fixed firmly in your past. Accept it for what it is--the past. Appreciate each day as a "present" from God. Realize that your future looms ahead ever-bright and beckoning you to greatness.
Fourth, plan together! As people enter the sphere of your influence, work eagerly, excitedly and enthusiastically with those who join you in principle-centered relationships. The fundamental principles are: commitment to a shared vision, cooperation in mission accomplishment, honest and transparent communication and consistent contribution.
Fifth, mature emotionally! Remember, the value of your future is always greater than the price of your past, or the costs of your current circumstances, situations and conditions.
Sixth, learn to serve. You personal value increases dramatically as you invest existing value in others. Investing your value, your resources, in others centers you in a partnership contract with God who declares: "Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap. For, with the measure you use (in giving) it will be measured to you. (Luke 6:38).
These six principle lead inexorably to the seventh, which says simply: See you at the top!