Sex Education

Bluntly, it doesn't work.

"DON'T." just isn't going to cut it with many adolescents.

Worse yet, there is evidence that abstinence only sex education causes more problems than it averts.

This subject is on my mind because once again there is a battle going on about whether or not Texas children should have sex education programs presented in their schools.

I am one hundred percent in favor of such programs in our schools. Why? Because, no matter what anyone says, over fifty percent of teens are sexually active; some of them are active before they are teenagers. CDC.gov is the best place for the most recent statistics. Other data can be accessed by googling teen sex or teen sexual activity.

There are some abstinence only programs that parents are in love with. Those who listen to the pitches are impressed and can't wait to have them presented at their kids' school.

The only problem is, among teens that are graduates of these programs, the incidents of pregnancy, and even worse Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's), are higher than in schools that haven't had the programs.

Having set through a couple of these programs I can tell exactly where they are going wrong. The presenters are so bent on making their point about abstinence that they leave the impression that using condoms and various birth control methods don't work. The teens leave the program with the idea that if they have sex they are going to get STD's or pregnant even if they do use condoms or over-the-counter birth control measures.

Nowhere in any of the programs I listened to did they point out that condoms, which are one of the least effective birth control methods, are still eighty percent better than using nothing. Condoms are over ninety percent better than nothing when it comes to reducing STD's. They were so busy trying to make the case for abstinence that they left the impression that if you are not going to abstain you might as well do nothing.

Why give this information if the goal is abstinence only is the goal? Because, no matter what education or lack thereof there is, more than fifty percent of teens are going to have sexual intercourse. To convince the fifty plus percent of teenagers who are active that using condoms or OTC birth-control (better yet both) is useless is criminal in my opinion.

While I certainly believe it would be better if parents taught children about sex themselves the fact is many don't. Many drag their feet on the subject because they consider it awkward or embarrassing. As for those who do tell their children, a lot of them give too little information, too late.

The time to begin a child's sex education is the very first time they ask one of those awkward questions. This usually occurs sometime before they are four years old. The trick is to answer whatever question it is as factually and matter-of-factly as is possible; whether the question is "Mommy where do babies come from?" Or "Mommy what are those dogs doing?" This is not the time to weasel out of the situation. Many parents do though and, when they finally get up the courage to tell their kids anything, they are too late because the kids have picked up a huge amount of misinformation.

That leaves it up to society in general to do the job, which de facto means in school.

What did I do? Oh, I taught my kids myself. I did so from the view point of an animal breeder and with the help of a book called "Where Did I Come From?" by Peter Mayle. There is also "What's Happening to Me?" These books have cartoon pictures and a bright and breezy text that I considered less embarrassing than other books I looked at. It must have been effective because my son wanted to use it for educating his children.

I also embarrassed the heck out of my kids by hauling them into the drug store and grocery store and showing them exactly where they could get what they needed when they did become sexually active. I also insisted they carry condoms with them anyway; just in case.

I went further than most parents in that I warned my son about teen age girls. Some girls have such a strong mothering drive that they will do almost anything to have a baby. Believe me, I know. If it had been even remotely acceptable to have a baby out of wedlock when I was fourteen I'd probably have done it. And no, my mother did not shirk her duties. I had a solid education about how babies were made.

Abstinence is certainly the best way to avoid getting pregnant or STD's, but adolescents need other information as well to aid them in dealing with something that is hard wired into us.

If you, as a parent, are doing your job right, good on you. But, just remember, your child might just be called on to deal with someone whose parents didn't do their job. You owe it to your children to give them as much information as possible about how to deal with sex.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, my kids tell me they were well out of their teens when they finally made the plunge.

My main sources were the Center for Disease Control and Science Daily September 19, 2008