Understand that her libido may change. She may want sex more often or less often. Remember that you do not have to have sex if you don't want to--and neither does she. Do not pressure her to have sex with you if she is not in the mood. Don't beg for sexual favors either. Likewise, if you're feeling oversexed or aren't in the mood, let her know. It is okay to ask for sex or for a sexual favor from a partner, of course; you just have to be respectful of the answer.
Many women find themselves very tired and sick as their body adjusts to pregnancy. Often, in the first trimester, women aren't that interested in sex. This isn't true for every woman, though. Some want it more. In the second trimester, she will probably have more interest in sex. By then she should have more energy and no longer be plagued by morning sickness. In the third trimester, once again, it is likely that she will lose interest in sex. This is because her growing belly is putting more of a strain on her physically.
She may be interested in different sexual activities as well. A woman that once enjoyed oral sex may no longer be interested in fellatio or cunnilingus. A woman that never showed much of an interest in either may now prefer oral sex. She may also be interested in trying new things in the bedroom. This will include sexual positions, especially as her belly expands, but it may not be limited to them. Now is a very good time to engage in both of your fantasies and to carefully experiment.
In all other ways, having sex with a pregnant woman can best be compared to deflowering a virgin. You need to listen to her. You should encourage her to tell you what she feels. You must stop if she's uncomfortable. It is best to start slow and be gentle. While we understand that pregnancy is not really so delicate a condition, your approach to sex should be as if she is in a delicate condition. This needs to be true until you get to know the new, pregnant, primal side of her.
Communication is key in any relationship, and it is particularly important during the nine month wait. Before you engage in sexual activities, ask her what she wants and how she wants it. It is okay to ask her during sex if something feels good or if she is okay. Asking for feedback afterwards, once you've cuddled and come down from cloud 9 together, is also a very good idea. Remember, you're a man--not a mind-reader. That's okay!
Pay attention to her reactions to your moves. Watch her facial expressions for signs of discomfort, and listen to the noises she makes. She may not want to let you know if she is uncomfortable for fear of hurting your feelings. Make sure she knows that it is okay to tell you. Also, if she does express dissatisfaction, stop what you're doing, and try something new. Apologize gently, but don't feel bad. Remember, her body is different right now, and you are only human and can't predict what will or won't please her.
Pregnant women may become engorged when aroused and thus be tighter. Most importantly, be very gentle--especially when entering. Now is not the time for rough play--unless she has indicated that she wants that. Women may experience sex differently during pregnancy than usual. She may feel more tender and sensitive down there. She may like to be touched differently. Proceed with caution. Don't stretch or pull her tissues with your hands; don't thrust too quickly or hard. Always start out slow.
Some expectant mothers are incredibly self-conscious about the physical changes. Women may develop a linea negra, a dark line connecting their belly button to the pubic bone. Their skin may darken. Stretch marks may appear on the belly, butt, thighs, and breasts. Her breasts may grow bigger, and her butt may widen. Not only is her stomach swelling, but she is storing maternal fat for breastfeeding. Do not express distaste at these changes. Now is the time to be accepting and understanding. Remind her that you love her. Tell her that she is beautiful. You can do this with words or with gestures, such as kissing her enlarged breasts, tracing her linea negra with your tongue, caressing her stretch mark covered thighs with your finger tips. The more desirable a woman feels, the more she desires sex.
There are only a few other tips that I can give you. It is normal as well for women to be dry when pregnant. Have some lubrication handy at the bedside. Women are vulnerable to infection during pregnancy, especially in the later weeks. Wash your hands and your penis before sex if you can, and it's a good idea to gargle with some mouthwash, too. She'll appreciate that even if she isn't pregnant, actually. Her innie may become an outie, popping as her belly expands. It is not sexy or arousing to poke it. Tickling it with your tongue is okay.
One last thing you should know is that...it is normal for a pregnant woman to be nasty. No, I don't mean that in a kinky way. Pregnancy causes a woman to have more gas than usual, more pressure, more pee pee... Embarrassing bodily functions will need to be performed during pregnancy, and she doesn't always have control over when. If she burps or passes gas during sex, try to ignore it and forget it. She cannot help it. And if she has to get up mid-session to pee, just wait patiently. It happens. And if you're the father to be, it's half your fault!
Pleasing a pregnant woman is not all that difficult. You don't have to be a mind-reader to do it. Most pregnant women want the same things: patience and understanding. Communicate. Go slow. Be gentle. Show her that you love her. Make her feel beautiful. These are the keys to satisfying an expectant mother in the bedroom. Even a reluctant wife may become more willing if you put an effort into making love to her, not just having sex. That's definitely something you want, as after pregnancy you'll have to go six weeks without any at all -- and won't have as much time for it either!
Published by Heather B.
I'm young single mother of two boys, a liberal Democrat, and a born again Pagan witch for nearly 14 years. I write about natural family living, pregnancy, homebirth, attachment parenting, and religion or pol... View profile
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- Do communicate.
- Don't play rough.
- Be understanding.