Sex and Race in the Elections

WARNING! The article you are about to read is tongue in cheek. Serious political pundits, beware.

So with that out of the way let's talk politics. Did I draw you in with the word 'sex'?

It's a schoolyard scuffle between Hillary and Obama. We need to call in Supernanny to sort this one out. Someone's going to end up in the naughty corner very soon.
Obama screams "the other kids don't like you" and Hillary retorts, "shut up, rookie". Then we have poor Edwards, the overlooked, middle child. "Mammy, look at me, please, I'm being good, not like those other two." He'll probably start acting up soon just to get some attention.

I've read a lot of vitriolic comments online lately. There's so much venom out there, coming mostly from people on the same side of the political fence! It all seems to focus around race and gender. Who's better, they squabble, a black man or a woman? They even dragged Oprah into the debate. Apparently she favors Obama over Clinton and some female viewers called her a traitor. First of all, why should we give a rat's derriere about a TV personality's favorite candidate? Doesn't Oprah have enough to do anyway? Secondly, these are people who watch daytime TV - enough said! I did get lured in though. Some man in Florida (I'll find you!) said that all women were stupid. I was not going to let him get away with that. No sir!

So why are Democrats turning into little monsters right now - countrywide? Why do Clinton supporters and Obama supporters hate each other? Because people are excited and maybe, just a little surprised - two minorities are running for the first time at once. We're watching history in the making - a woman and a black man have a shot at being President. You can't ignore race and gender however much you try and say 'it should be all about the issues'. The Dems should be proud of being the instrument of change, but instead they're at each others throats. Oops I lapsed into serious discourse. I apologize.

Let's look at the Republicans real quick in comparison - I see white, I see male, a sea of aging, balding heads and grey faces. Well except for Romney - he's got hair. But it's the same old crowd isn't it. Not quite so exciting. But at least they're playing nice right now.

Imagine if two women were running against each other. Cat fight! I can just imagine the insults, the digs. I won't even go there. Or two black guys? Definitely won't go there! Tongue in cheek folks, tongue in cheek!

Now back to the Republicans. Huckabee - I don't know, call me shallow but does President Huckabee sound okay to you? It reminds me of Huckleberry Hound - 'Aw me Darlin'. And on top of that he looks like Kevin Spacey. And Mitt? I've never met a Mitt, have you? Where does that name originate? Is it short for Mittens?
Giuliani - is he still running? I haven't seen him around much lately. President Giuliani - a bit of a tongue twister that one!
Mc Cain - he's the best of the bunch I think. He's got a kind face and nice eyes. Oh yes and experience, reasonable views and all that. As for Ron Paul you just can't have a President Paul, sounds silly. Too many p's.

Oh sorry I should be discussing the issues. What are the conservative issues? Just lots of stuff about God, abortion, those nasty evil immigrants, low taxes, etc. Oh and change, yes they all want to see change in the Whitehouse. Excuse me boys - there's been a Republican there for seven (long) years. What kind of change are you planning? Oh I see you are all articulate, yes that would be a change.

And change is what Obama's been promising. President Barak Obama. It's certainly a change from Bill, George, Jim, Dick and John. (It's so funny Osama keeps coming up when I run spell check! Just thought I'd mention it.)
President Clinton - now that has a familiar ring to it! President Edwards - doesn't roll very easily off the tongue.

Back at the schoolyard - they're still at it, name calling and mud flinging. If they don't stop it Edwards gets the nomination just for behaving.

We could end this argument once and for all and have a black woman run instead. Then we could please all the Democrats. I nominate Queen Latifah. She'd be perfect. Obama can be her running mate. There settled, can we go home now?

By the way I can't even vote. I'm one of those pesky (legal) immigrants taking American jobs and stealing your men, well just one of them. So I'm just sitting back and watching the show. Anything's better than what we have right now, and I've lived here for the whole seven years; seems like thirty, seems like thirty (only Jesus Christ Superstar fans will get that!)
Paris Hilton would be preferable to our current big chief, well only slightly. Like, yeah, whatever, shut up!
So everyone needs to relax, take a deep breath and think loving thoughts. Oh yes and just be thankful there are presidential term limits.