Sex and the Single Woman in Her Prime

When a psychology professor at a California University asked 950 college students what they thought the quality of life was for a single/divorced female 45 or older, they described a pretty bleak picture of her. I read words like "lonely, unhappy, insecure, inflexible, desperate, (my personal favorite) and even stubborn," were some of the words used. Wow! Here I was supposed to be all these things and I didn't even know it, go figure. Remember, don't believe everything you read, I'm glad I don't. When about 2500 single/divorced women were asked if they were lonely, insecure, unhappy, etc, etc, most of them agreed they got lonely from time to time, doesn't everybody? However, these women were pretty happy with their lives and looked forward to walking into a new future for themselves. Today's single women has a completely different outlook about themselves and their future and I have to admit, I'm happy to see what new doors I can open and discover for myself, by myself.

Out of all the women who participated, I'm happy to report, that words like "desperate, lonely, stubborn and insecure" are not anywhere in the single mature women's vocabulary today. In fact, more than half the women said they were happier today than ever before. Whether these women are single due to divorce or death, they are not ready to throw in the towel yet, just the opposite in fact. Most women believed that the second part of their lives are just beginning and are looking forward to the opportunity of growth with the chance to do the things they always wanted to and chase their own dreams.

One myth is that the older a single woman gets, the more desperate she becomes to find herself a mate is just that...a myth. While most single women wouldn't mind finding a partner and entering a committed relationship with the hope of a good income and not much emotional baggage would be nice, it's not a desperate search on their part. In fact, this study was surprised to find that about one in ten have no desire to date at all. Many are a bit more interested in other things like finding a more satisfying career, getting a higher education, traveling to far away places they had only dreamed of earlier in life. However, if the opportunity of a loving, committed relationship presented itself, of course these women would not throw it away.

Are single women sex-starved? Well...they have been known to get pretty hungry at times, however, far from starved. Today's single women are not so sex-starved as to go and jump the next male they happen to see. They also have found different ways of dealing with going without sex between "dry spells." Most were not ashamed to admit to personal stimulation and masturbation on a regular basis, which is really pretty healthy for the mature women today. Others find they may exercise more frequently or focus their attentions elsewhere. Whatever they do, they deal with it. Unfortunately only 22 percent of single women 45 and older have been sexually active within the past six months, while 18 percent say they had a regular sex partner, so it's easy to see why many women have turned to "doing it themselves" instead of going without completely. Today's standards are not so different when it comes to men and women dating only to have sex. While men admitted that sex is one the main reason for frequent dating, and any sex was better than none at all, women still say that caring and intimacy during sex is still more important to them than frequency. That's probably why only 22% have had sex within the last six months.

Women 50 and older say they want more fun and adventurous sex now then when they were younger. When asked what advantage they have in dating today compared to when they were in there 20s, most of them said, experience. They are more comfortable with themselves and who they are today than when they were in their 20's. Most young women today live to date, and allow social pressure to influence how they look and feel about themselves, thinking they are not complete unless they have a boyfriend to show they are worthy of love. Older women are more mature emotionally because they "had been there done that" and have come to know themselves and don't really care what other people think about them anymore. They realize they can get along just fine with or without a man and while being in love and loved is nice, it doesn't make a woman complete. Older women have the maturity to know what they like during sex and are not intimidated to ask or show their partner what they like in bed. They feel more confident in themselves because they've had more years to learn life's lessons and have become better people because of those lessons.

The mature single women of today can benefit greatly from a more active sex life because they can admit to enjoying good sex frequently without the old standard of being labeled a nymphomaniac, or a worse word, at least in this country anyway, dare I say whore? Women 45 and up can bring much experience into a sexual relationship, something many men admit to enjoy. This may also be why younger men find older women so appealing. A younger man can do wonders for a woman's-everything. Her confidence is high, she feels great about herself and why not? Older women find it a bit hard to find a man her age to go out with, since most men her age and up usually only want to go out with women in their 20's or early 30's. A younger man has the energy and vitality a mature woman is looking for, since it's not a myth about a women hitting her sexual prime in her late 30's, 40's and even 50's, were men hit their sexual prime in their 20's and 30's. Women who have dated younger men say they are more attentive to their needs, are good listeners and generally willing to find out what makes them happy, in all areas of the relationship. Many of these relationships grow into meaningful relationships, but even when they don't, both partners tend to end their relationship on good terms and leave them with lasting happy memories.

I hope you have found this article interesting. Because I'm a single, divorced, older woman, this topic interests me and I wanted to share it with all the other women out there who are just like me. My future is bright, and hopefully I will one day find that one person who has been looking for me too. However, if it's not meant to be than so be it, it's not for me to decide. I have friends and adventures waiting for me, some good some bad. I can't wait to see what happens. Until next time.