Sexism in the Traditional Marriage Ceremony
Unfortunately, the wedding ceremony isn't quite as perfect as little girls dream. Much of the wedding is filled with antiquated sexist rituals that really, have no place in modern day society. In fact, many modern brides and grooms have begun to revise the ceremony to fit their beliefs and create new traditions. Here's a look at some of the sexist elements in the traditional wedding ceremony.
Love, honor, and obey.
Only the woman says the "obey" part in the traditional ceremony. The thinking is that the man is the head of the household. With conservative Christians he is in a way, an extension of God and therefore the woman must obey him. The obvious assumption that the woman is inferior to the man is beginning to upset modern brides and many grooms. Many couples are dropping the obey part from their vows or even writing their own.
Who gives this woman?
At the beginning of the traditional wedding ceremony the priest, minister, or preacher asks "And who gives this woman to this man?" Where upon the father of the bride says "I do." This tradition makes it seem as if the woman is property to be transferred from one superior man to another superior man. Many people are changing the phrase to "Her mother and I," or even dropping it completely. After all, in modern day society it is the woman who chooses to get married. Her father does not choose her husband for her anymore.
Mr. and Mrs. Tom Jones.
Traditionally the woman takes the man's last name. When they are introduced for their first dance they are introduced with the man's name. It's as if the woman is completely giving up her identity. Many women now choose to keep their last name, hyphenate their new and old names, or even more radically... the man takes the woman's name. Of course, this is much more complicated legally than simply signing a marriage certificate.
A dowry?
It used to be that a dowry was given by the woman's family to the man's family. In many third-world and very traditional countries this still takes place. There is still a remnant of this in Western society weddings as well. The bride's family traditionally pays for the wedding. It's as if the bride's family is paying to get rid of her. Of course, with modern finances being what they are, who pays for what is becoming much more complicated these days.
Other sexisms...
There are many other sexisms in the traditional wedding such as the white dress signifying virginity (rarely true these days), the woman walking towards the man (doing all the work, he just waits for her), the man standing on the right (signifying the right hand of God), "you many now kiss the bride", and many other small details. While the traditional wedding is full of sexisms, your wedding doesn't have to be. You can make it what you want it to be. Have your best friend walk you down the aisle, write your own vows, be married by a justice of the peace... whatever.
What the traditional wedding doesn't recognize is that moden women are strong and independent, emotionally, physically, intellectually, and financially. So, when planning your wedding, be sure that it represents you and not a woman of the 1950's.
Published by Birdie Grace
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10 Comments
Post a Commentwhat about a man having to buy an engagement ring?-That's Sexist!-why should he have 2 pay THOUSANDS of dollars 4 a ring but the woman does not?-"It's Tradition" people say but as you have just pointed out tradition in marriage & weddings isn't always fair or right so people are changing them,well, what about THIS!
"I now pronounce you man and wife." First, that is being exclusive of people who are non-binary and are not men and women being married. Second, notice how the man gets to keep being a man and a person. However, the woman doesn't. Instead of saying "I now pronounce you man and woman", the woman almost gives up her human identity to become a wife. Not "husband and wife" or "married", but man and wife. It's saying that her life now revolves not around continuing to live as a person, but to be a wife to her man.
"What a sexist one-sided tradition. Of course, no woman will complain about it. Talk about equality, huh?" - No woman will complain, eh? Well, I am a woman, and I'm complaining about it. I think expecting a future husband to spend his money on a ring is ridiculous, just as expecting the woman's family to pay for the wedding is. I would never expect my partner to get on his knees and present me with an abhorrently expensive piece of jewellery to make me marry him, but then I'm against marriage in general. And I did not spend my childhood daydreaming about my perfect wedding day, either.
You hit the nail on the head about these rituals. There is so much blind tradition that needs to be challenged - it's the 21st century!
How about the fact that the blusher and veil were originally made to hide the woman's face from her husband-to-be in arranged marriages so he couldn't bolt before they were pronounced man and wife?! Siiiick.
This article is bloody brilliant! my thoughts entirely. Well Done.
sorry love but you could be said to have tricked him into marriage if you now say you didnt intend to obey him. if you cant get most of your own way with him any way then i think you had better obey him or come clean and let him change his mind about the vows he made to you.
i have already agreed to obey my husband, i made this vow during the ceremony a l infront of all the wedding party. does this meen i really do have to obey him? my witnesses say i would be breaking my vows if i do not
If the "modern woman" was all the things you mention there would not be such disparities in alimony amounts, and likelihood of child custody. And before I get any crass answers I had a dead beat mother. If a woman was that independent then marriages should not be "till death do us part" be more like "it expires in 5 years and must be renewed". So what if you change kiss the bride, to kiss the groom...still kissing each other big deal. People always trying to control language. Even if couples do not change the words, how both expect the marriage to function is far more important the your games of SEMANTICS.
Oh give me a break. Ask most men yeah sure the woman does say that obey part, but what happens is the reverse happens the man winds up doing the obeying. Besides there is no reason to marry an American woman in the first place, what man should waste his time trying to marry someone who definition of female is that she be equal to him as a another male. It is 2007 whom really "obeys" in this day and age...you have a hard enough time compromising and remembering it is 2 way not just "her way". Marriage is set up for women, men do not wish to get married. It is the biggest crock of crap I have ever heard. You do not see boys or men just daydreaming about the day he gets married, we spend lifetimes trying to avoid the very conversation of marriage.