Sexless Men

Maybe he's on the down low. Maybe he's getting some on the side from that gal at work. But if he's totally straight and truly "forsaking all others," why else would a red-blooded male not want to have sex with his wife on a frequent basis?

Let's explore the possible reasons:

He's masturbating...a lot
"Problems based on masturbation in relationships tend to take hold when a man does not keep the 'fantasy land' in its place and allows it to overrun him and his relationship," writes Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D., in her "When Masturbation Replaces Partnered Sex" blog entry on WebMD.

While Weston suggests that a little self-pleasuring can be a harmless thing, psychologist Willard F. Harley of White Bear Lake, Minn., disagrees.

"My basic rule for marriages is that all your sex, including fantasies, should be with each other," Harley is quoted as saying in the WebMD article, "Is Solo Sex Hurting Your Relationship?"

Harley continues by listing the benefits of a man saving his body for his spouse alone: "First, your wife will want it that way," he says. "Second, if your wife is your exclusive sexual outlet, you'll have a much better romantic relationship."

It also stands to reason that men who spend a lot less time wanking off in the shower (and much more time tending to their unfulfilled ladies lounging about in sexy lingerie) may enjoy better odds of not seeing their relationships destroyed by infidelity.

He has health issues
Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, alcoholism, drug use and depression are just a few of the physiological conditions that can contribute to a man's reduced libido.

But in the case of naturally declining testosterone levels, is testosterone therapy - hawked by many a back-alley practitioner these day - the answer? The jury is still out, according to the Mayo Clinic, who suggests that men speak to their doctors directly to find the root cause of the follow symptoms:

* Decreased energy
* Reduced muscle mass and strength
* Decreased cognitive function
* Less sexual interest or potency
* Depressed mood

He's stressed out
Whether it's a re-org at work or his 5-digit credit card debt that has him freaking out, stress is a huge contributing factor to lack of sexual desire. Sometimes a man experiences stress thinking about the sex act itself.

"My wife does want sex and I don't mostly because I feel totally inadequate sexually," commented one anonymous poster on WebMD's blog. "I guess if I had to categorize it, I would say it is 'Performance Anxiety'. I worry about my size and premature ejaculation. I fantasize about being a cuckold," he candidly wrote.

He's just not that into her…
…because she's just not that into him. Perhaps his mate rejects him a lot, is exhausted, or is too worried about her body to enjoy the act. Either way, a romp in the hay for him has turned into about as much fun as finding a needle therein, so he stops trying.

"My personal reasons for not wanting sex [are] disappointment, the word NO, rejection, lack of desire by [my] wife, total indifference," posted one anonymous commenter on the WebMD blog.

"I have heard every excuse heard by man," he continued. "When the efforts by my spouse are…basically 'Get it over with,' you can hardly expect me to get overly excited. Since she considers sex a chore [I] just let her read [a] book and fall asleep."

How to help
"When partnered with a man who does not want sex, the optimal path does not include criticism, belittling, or slurs on his manhood," Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D., writes in the "Top Ten Reasons Men Don't Want Sex" entry on WebMD's blog.

So, if you're a woman married to a man with whom you'd like to hook up a lot more often, keep the nagging and "minute man" jokes to yourself. Instead, pray a lot, encourage your guy to visit his physician and pamper yourself with jogging or journaling to get rid of pent-up energy. Challenge him to a "master-of-your-domain" duel a la the popular Seinfeld episode.

Whatever you do, don't retreat into your own sexual cave away from your mate "because you deserve it," but try instead to foster healthy conversation regarding the matter - either in joint marital counseling sessions or solo ones, if your mate won't attend.

And definitely don't give in to that virile young man with the accompanying frigid wife who would love to help you out with your problem, nor fall prey to one of those devilish websites that help married women commit adultery.

Instead, focus on holy passions. The stuff you do better than anyone else. Lose some weight. Paint your nails. Spoil yourself. Get that tummy tuck that makes your middle look like six pack if the Lord leads. Find a weaveologist. Look your very best and watch for things to change. Until then, keep your thong on!

Visit Paula Neal Mooney's blog.