Sexless, Single, and Over 50

You may be single because of a death or divorce. Or maybe you have never married. It really doesn't matter how you got to be single and 50 but you now find yourself alone and without a partner with whom to be intimate. You are lonely - and horny- and have reached a point where you believe celibacy is your dismal fate. Here are some things to consider to keep the rust out of the joints.

BE GLAD YOU ARE HORNY

A sexual desire is a sign of good health. Men who no longer awake with an erection are showing signs of a possible medical issue. Blood thinners taken for high blood pressure make it difficult for men to have hard enough erections to have an orgasm. Cholesterol deposits in your arteries will prevent sufficient blood flow into the penis. Post menopausal women may have low estrogen and experience a loss of desire as a result. There is no reason why a healthy person should not maintain their sexual desire throughout their life and if they are lucky they can die in a simultaneous orgasm on their 100^th birthday. Don't be embarrassed to speak to your doctor is your machinery isn't working well.

I AIN'T GOT NO BODY

You got yourself. Men are far more active masturbators then woman - especially boomer aged women. Many women who come to see me in my practice are repulsed by masturbation. The desire for orgasm is a natural, healthy body function. When you are alone it is a safe way to relieve sexual tension without having to risk getting an STD or seeking out someone for whom you have no feeling. Men can more easily distance themselves after an affair then women. Get rid of the guilt or confusion you have about the appropriateness of masturbation. Millions of people use vibrators. Lubricating oils now come in his and hers. Ordinary people just like you use them every day. There is nothing wrong with sexual gratification and the need for that does not stop because you find yourself alone.

STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT

Remember that Frank Sinatra tune? Two lonely people wonder if they would wind up making love before the night was through - that's how it goes. When you were younger you wanted to be in love and you are still waiting for that magical moment to occur again. People over 50 connect for many reasons other than love. And the need for companionship is high on the list. You are no longer looking for someone who will be a good parent to your unborn children. This is strictly an activity for your pleasure. Take appropriate precautions to make sure you do not get an STD. That means using a condom even though you can't get pregnant. Don't think that because you slept with someone that you are going together or have a relationship. He doesn't love you and he may not even like you just because he slept with you. But you can turn that around and feel the same. You do not have to love someone to sleep with them. You do not even have to want to see him again. Don't be devastated if he doesn't call. He may call weeks from now or you may call him. If you want to see each other again, do so. And if not, then don't. The rest of society has already learned that sex and love are not necessarily connected. Boomers need to know that too.

IT'S HARD TO GO AGAINST WHAT YOUR MAMMA TAUGHT YA

You've lived your entire life with a set of values and ethics which forbid you from having sex without an emotional attachment. Trampy girls did that and that's not you. Times have changed and you have aged and people are no longer judging you. You are judging yourself. It's time to really examine what is important to you at this time of your life. You may find that attitudes and opinions that worked in the past no longer apply. You've spent your entire life raising your family, taking care of others, and putting your needs last. Move yourself up on your list of important people, respect your own needs, and take care of yourself. If you miss sex and want sex then change your criteria for achieving satisfaction.

50 IS A TIME FOR SELF REVIEW

When you turned 50 you most likely asked yourself what you want to do with the rest of your life. Hopefully one of the things you came up with was to get rid of some hang-ups and let your hair down. You've earned that freedom. Don't be embarrassed that your body isn't great or you have some medical problem that may be an issue. Everyone has something. Go for it!