Sexual Abuse Recovery - The Journey of Forgiveness

One of the major aspects of recovery from sexual abuse deals with forgiveness. This is also one of the most hazardous steps to approach with survivors of abuse. As I begin to write this article, I have visions of former President George W. Bush dodging a shoe that was thrown at his head by an Iraqui journalist. I ask only that you hear me out on this topic of forgiveness. I am also including a link to another article I wrote early in my own recovery, This article describes the anger that accompanies our need to forgive and ways to vent that anger.

What is Forgiveness?
First of all, we need to understand exactly what is involved in forgiveness; what it is and what it is not. So many times we think of forgiving someone as letting them off the hook and allowing an abuser to go free without any responsibility for the cruel acts that have been committed. Nothing could be further from the truth. Whenever possible, anyone who has abused another person in any form, should be held accountable and should pay the penalty that is meted out in a court of law. However, so many times in cases of childhood sexual abuse, the statute of limitations has run out long before survivors can pursue the penalties within the courts. This does not mean that the abuser gets away with anything. There will be a day of reckoning for every abuser as he stands before God, Who is always just and righteous. Forgiveness is really more about the survivor than it is about the abuser. Forgiveness is a way to release the hold that the abuser has on our life. As long as we remain in a state of unforgiveness, we are joined to our abuser. We hold on to our anger in an attempt to make the abuser pay for his deeds, and in so doing, we remain bound to our abuser. Remaining in a state of unforgiveness prevents us from moving forward in life.

Is it Easy to Forgive an Abuser?
In a word, "No". It is not an easy step to forgive someone who has so grossly abused and misused us, many times beginning in early childhood. It is not easy, but it is possible. The result of forgiveness is freedom for us. We cannot ever be free from the pain and damage that was done to us without going through the process of forgiveness. Being able to forgive is, indeed, a process. It is not a one-time event, although it must begin there. We must allow ourselves to feel the anger over the betrayal of trust. Being angry is not a sin, as long as we are able to move from anger into forgiveness. Some survivors have felt nothing but anger over their abuse. This results in anger being spewed out upon other people who are in our lives who want only to love us and be helpful. Anger is an energy that must be released and many times well-meaning people are the recipients. Failure to forgive will result in a life of more anger, bitterness and resentment. The only way to peace and joy is walking through the anger and exiting through the gate of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a Journey
Just as recovery is a journey, so is forgiveness. Forgiving in our heart is something that will need to be done many times over a prolonged period of time. As memories of abuses begin to surface, forgiveness will need to accompany those acts that were committed against us. Fortunately, forgiveness becomes easier as we move forward in our recovery process. Please understand that making a choice to forgive is the key to healing and recovery from sexual abuse.

Source:

Personal Experience