Sexual Addiction in the Christian Woman

To say the words sexual addiction and Christianity in the same breath seems to be a contradiction...especially female sexual addiction. Female sexual addiction brings to mind scantily clad women sitting in bars waiting on their next one-night stand. But to imagine a Christian woman doing this is very difficult to envision.

Sexual addiction is often the result of a deep wound inside of a person's heart and soul in which she tries to fill it with love or love substitutes. Christianity is the result of having accepted Jesus Christ into one's heart and soul, and He is the Great Healer. So how can a woman's heart still be wounded if she has accepted Christ into it? Is this even possible?

Sadly, the answer is yes. Take the story of Rita. Rita loves the Lord, having accepted Christ as a young adult. She reads her Bible, prays, and teaches Sunday school. She is always the first to volunteer to help someone in need. She is happily married with 2 beautiful children. Anyone who sees Rita sees a happy, loving Christian woman. But Rita leads a secret life that is known only to a couple of her most trusted friends.

That secret life has put Rita in danger many times. What started as a milder form of obsession in viewing pornography and chatting with men online grew into more. She has met strange men in hotels for an hour of sex...usually unprotected. She once met a stranger and performed a sexual act for money. Rita has a secret wardrobe that is much different from the conservative clothing she is usually seen in. She has also been involved in several love affairs, as well as several power relationships in which she has submitted to a dominant master. Rita has made up countless excuses for the many bruises her husband has found on her battered body, knowing that even in his wildest imaginings, he would never suspect her of being involved in such a relationship.

In the beginning, Rita tried to rationalize her behavior away, telling herself she was merely exploring her sexuality...something that she had always felt guilty about exploring, believing only "bad" girls enjoyed sex. But when she rationalized her behavior by telling herself she was becoming more sexually knowledgeable for her husband, it didn't seem so bad. But she soon found out how wrong she was. As her addiction became worse, she was no longer able to rationalize what she was doing.

Rita lives a life of constant guilt and shame. In her soul, she longs to stop her behavior, but seems helpless to do so. She prays for the compulsive urges to go away, but they constantly draw her into doing that which leads her to shame.

The question is...why would a loving Christian wife and mother feel this compulsion to engage in such shameful and dangerous behaviors? Rita's story is not as unusual as one might think. According to Steve and Kathy Gallagher, authors of Create in Me a Pure Heart, there is a

What starts online, as in Rita's case...will often turn into reality as the addiction grows. There is a misleading assumption that when a person accepts Christ, that person is instantly healed of that inner woundedness. And indeed, there have been incidences where this has occurred. But this does not always happen. Becoming a Christian does not eliminate the need for therapy or for medical attention.

In Rita's case, she has very deep inner wounds which are the result of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her father. These wounds affect her day to day interactions with everyone around her...especially men. She easily falls into the role of victim, and even though she finds it difficult to trust, she succumbs time and time again. Even Rita's view of God is skewed based on her view of men, resulting from her abuse. Is it really surprising that her Christian walk is a damaged walk?

Sexual addiction in the Christian woman is made even more taboo and shameful due to the very fact that she is a Christian. The guilt and shame are greatly increased, which decreases the possibility that she will seek help. Therefore, she will usually continue living a double life until she is injured or until her shameful secret is discovered...very often destroying her family.

As the Christian community becomes more aware of this growing problem of sexual addiction among its own, women will be more inclined to seek help for their problem and will be able to do so with a Christian perspective. Women who suffer now are more prone to seek therapy which is not Christian based because they fear more shame and condemnation.

With awareness comes more opportunity for healing, giving hope to Christian women everywhere who are in the throes of sexual addiction.