Sexual Addiction in Women: Causes, Signs and Recovery

Sexual addiction is a term that is usually attributed to men. When one hears of pornography, one-night stands, compulsive cheating or risky sex, one tends to think of men. They are the ones who have always been considered to be the sexual ones, while women are usually viewed as creatures who must be in love in order to share their bodies. Women have always been viewed as the weaker sex, so if they are caught in compromising sexual situations, they must either be in love or it must have been forced upon them in some way.

In this world where women strive for equality, work in high powered careers, and strive for financial independence, the area of women's sexuality is rarely discussed. More specifically, women's sexual expression is rarely discussed...especially inappropriate or risky sexual expression.

There has always been a double standard when it comes to sexuality. Men come with the expectation that they will be sexually adventurous. If they look at porn or openly flirt, women are taught to just accept that's how men are. But if a woman engages in these same behaviors, it is deemed unacceptable and she is called names such as slut. There is an old saying that "a man's penis has no conscience", and along with that saying comes the assumption that the female counterpart does. But is this true? Or have women just been fooling themselves to avoid being labeled negatively?

There have been a few women over the years who have tried to knock holes in this sexual stereotyping by pushing the limits and crossing the boundaries. Mae West was a sultry, sexual movie icon who shocked people as they giggled at her naughty bravery. Erica Jong shocked the world with her novel "Fear of Flying" which told the story of Isadora Wing's journey to find herself as she hopped from bed to bed and man to man. Much of Jong's work was considered by many to be pornographic, but if the female in "Fear of Flying" had been a man, that same message would not have seemed so. It would have been merely expected.

When women were traditionalists, their stress and emotions were born at home, fed at home, and dealt with at home. They raised their children, took care of their husbands and homes, and if it all became too much they baked or sewed something. If their husbands were less than loving and affectionate, they would turn to their children for those innocent hugs that made them feel cherished.

Today's women are out in the world, and all that is available to men is now available to women. Women are in the workplace, in the gym, at the bars, and online. It is not unreasonable to realize that there are more outlets available for women to relieve their stress.

Sex is one of the options available to today's woman, but today's woman rarely gives voice to the fact for the waters are new and there is still a fear of drowning. Women talk about sex more, but it is still within a certain boundary...and usually within the context of a monogamous relationship. Women still disguise their sexual desire as a need for love or a desire to feel wanted because the good girl label is not easily discarded. To admit to wanting raw, adventurous sex is too much, so that desire is shoved into the place of the forbidden...the place of secrets. This is where sexual addiction in a woman is born.

To sit and devour a carton of ice cream at night when everyone has gone to bed is a rush...a high...a secret that is made that much sweeter by the secrecy. This rush is a momentary reliever of stress and emotional wounds. Likewise, delving into dangerous or forbidden sexual activity is also a rush that demands secrecy.

The problem with feeling these highs is the fact that the lows always return. When this happens it is only natural to seek the high again. Soon it takes more risk to produce the same results and before she knows it, a woman is caught up in a full fledged addiction.

For women, sex has always been a means of power. For centuries women have used sex to get what they want from a man. Sometimes they are obviously vocal about it. Sometimes they are a bit more subtle and manipulative. But ask any man and he will tell you that there isn't much he won't do for a woman who is willing to open herself up sexually to him. Therefore, a woman caught up in the throes of sexual addiction will find herself with a very willing clientele.

What are the signs of sexual addiction? Here are a few of the biggest ones to watch out for:

All consuming thoughts

Increasingly risky behaviors

A lessening of moral values.

The addiction begins to adversely affect her "real" world.

When a woman finds herself in the middle of a sexual addiction, she will have moments of overwhelming shame and hopelessness. Her shame often keeps her from seeking the help that she needs. It is much easier to confess to one's family a food or alcohol addiction than it is a sexual addiction. Sexual addiction speaks of infidelity and betrayal on a very personal level. It is also not an addiction that is as well known as the others. Some may view it as a mere excuse to be promiscuous.

Because of the difficulty in coming clean to family members in regard to sexual addiction, a woman often finds herself all alone living in the shadow of her secret addiction, and missing out on the family support she so needs for recovery.

Sexual addiction in women is a term that needs more awareness. With more understanding, perhaps some of the stigma will be lost, and women will learn to express their sexuality in a more appropriate manner as well as be more open to asking for the help they need.

Jobs are lost, bank accounts are overdrawn, family is neglected because all she cares about is her next sexual adventure.In the beginning a woman may try and rationalize her behaviors to herself by telling herself she is in love or unhappy as a means to justify her behavior. She does not even recognize the downward spiral she is on and fools even herself. But as these behaviors increase and she falls deeper into the addiction, she gets to the point she will lie, cheat, or steal to get her fix. She will even put her loved ones in danger if need be.. As a woman falls deeper into her addiction, her behavior will become more risky. What may start as viewing pornography may result in sharing sexual photos of herself online. What may start as sexual chat with a stranger may result in meeting a stranger in a hotel room for sex. What may start as safe sex may end up as unprotected sex.. A woman in the throes of sexual addiction spends a good part of her day either fantasizing about sex or planning her next rendezvous. There is a high in just the process of planning and anticipating.