Sexual Assault: Something No Child Should Never Experience!

A 5-year old should never experience abuse especially if you feel your child is in good hands. We lived next door to a police officer and his family. They had two boys, ages 12 and 8. My brother was friends with the youngest. He would wake up and go out to play every day. There were no other houses around except for our house and our neighbors. We had a barn out in the pasture and lived right next to a creek. I thought the creek was pretty fun as there were so many frogs. We weren't supposed to go near it, but we always did.

The summer I turned 5, I was playing with the next door neighbors on the slip-n-slide. It was fun. Not wet enough, but still fun. I was the only girl around. The boys had about 5 other boys around. Being a shy girl, I felt out-of-place. I was watching on the side, peaking around the tree. I was wearing my swimsuit; I believe it was red in color. I'm not sure where my mother was as she stayed inside most of the time. That was when; the older boy and two of his friends approached me, and asked if I wanted a baby. Being a 5-year old girl, I said yes. They told me to follow them and they'll get me one. So I walked back through the field to the barn. That horrible barn!

The older brother told me I needed to hop up on the loft. The other boys jumped up too. He then told me to lie down. So I did! Then they told me I needed to pull my swim suit down. I didn't know what to think except I had too. The other two boys helped me then laid me down. The older brother pulled down his pants and I panic as I had no idea what was going to happen next. He told his two friends to hold me down. I struggled. Then he laid down on me. I panicked; I didn't know what to do. I continued to struggle until I finally broke lose. I jumped down off the loft and hide behind the barn. The friend that was bigger turned the corner and said if I ever tell, he would kill me. I took off running and didn't look back. Before I knew it, I was inside the house shaking. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should tell. I cried in the bathroom out-of-site of everyone. I was so scared that I didn't tell anyone. I wouldn't even go outside.

It wasn't until 25 years later that I told my mom. She was stunned that something like that could happen. I asked her not to tell my dad as I wasn't quite ready to tell him. I finally told my dad 37- years later. I was tired of hearing my dad say how safe he felt living next to a police officer. The only thing my dad said was, "I'm glad I kicked his dog". That was it! I know that was his way of showing concern, but he could have shown more. I wonder if I expect too much from him. He probably felt guilty for not being there to protect me. He was gone most of the time.

How do you find closure? I don't know! I've been trying to find it for 41 years.