Sexual Calamity Jane

Sitting on a showroom friendly sofa
Filled with thousands of tiny rose thorns
Digging into her back as she braced herself
Wanting to be part of the chocolate brown furniture
Instead of the object of piercing affection
Sharper than a razor and deadlier than a nail gun
Scared of being licked away with a lizard for a suitor
Full of scales and a tongue that made Gene Simmons jealous
A vagabond of a man full of Rock & Roll stage swagger
Pumping up his confidence by pretending she's a groupie
Would rather fluff couch cushions than his big ego
Sick to her stomach with each smothering kiss
That left no room for imagination when it came to last meals
Tasting Tuna Fish and Onions more than anything else
Cold sweat soaked hands roaming in all the wrong places
Looking to pull the personal emergency brake
Not ready for a driving lesson just yet
Relieved when the phone rings
Time to move to separate ends of the sofa cushions
An awkward pin dropping silence follows for the rest of the night
Romantic crisis averted for now.