Sexuality at Different Life Stages

As a therapist I offer many types of people advice based on the information that I have learned when I went to college. I have two people and one couple that I have to give advice to on varying subjects, such as a teenager having premarital sex, elderly couples that are having a lack in sexual interest, and paralyzed people that have difficulty expressing their desires to become intimate with their partners.

Anna is an adolescent girl that believes that she is in love with her boyfriend that is three years older than her. Anna says that he is putting pressure on her to have sex and her parents have expressed their worries about older boys that may try to take advantage of her. By the use of the word "pressuring", one would believe that she is not ready to have sex. As a therapist, I would tell Anna that she needs to think about how she feels about having sex. Does she feel that she is ready? What will she say to her parents if they ask her or find out that she has had sex?

There are other things to think about when making this decision. Does she think that she will regret this decision later on? If she feels that she might regret this decision later on, then she will need to talk to her boyfriend about her concerns and how she might feel if her parents found out. If her boyfriend is no sympathetic with her concerns then she might rethink how she perceives his feelings towards her.

In the long run there are other problems that she might face, which include unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases. If he has had sex before, she will need to ask him about his previous partners and whether or not he has been checked for any diseases. If she were to get pregnant, how would she handle the situation and would she be able to keep the child and have her and her boyfriend be parents? Having sex for the first time, whether it is the first time with her boyfriend or the first time in general requires a lot of thought and consideration.

Tom and Susan are an elderly couple. Though Susan is a recently retired woman, Tom has been retired for some time. Susan seems to have a renewed sexual interest, whereas Tom is anxious about his sexual performance. More than likely, Susan has regained her sexual interest because she is no longer working. All of her focus was placed on her work life, possibly draining her of any and all desire to become intimate with her husband. Tom has spent a lot of time doing other things that might not require as much effort as Susan.

As they are age, their bodies and minds are continuing to change. Tom is not still in his prime as he once was, which leads him to feel more insecure about his performance in the bedroom. Often times as men get older they find difficulty with erectile dysfunction. Women do not usually reach their sexual prime until later in life; Susan is an older woman that has stayed physically active, probably maintaining her appearance, whereas Tom is an older male that has not been working for some time.

They need to spend some time together and try to see what might interest them both sexually. If they can find a common ground then Tom might feel better about his sexual performance, especially if it is something that he has enthusiasm for. Together they need to discuss why his insecurities should not be an issue. If Susan has sexual interest in Tom, then he shouldn't worry as much about his performance and focus more on pleasing Susan. If Tom is worried about his abilities he might need to see if he can work through these issues with Susan and if need be ask his doctor about sexual aids for the both of them.

Bill has been paralyzed from the waist down since he was a child. Though Bill is in a romantic relationship, he has issues expressing his desire to become intimate with his partner. He begins to feel nervous and uncomfortable when the subject comes up. Bill appears to have issues expressing himself sexually with someone else. He is in a romantic relationship with someone else that has looked past his disability and has found the true person inside of him. Such dedication should leave all doors open to many different subjects. Instead of trying to discuss this matter to the point it becomes embarrassing for him, he needs to discuss the level of relationship that he and his partner are at. Once he feels as though the desire to become intimate is reciprocated, he should let the anxiety roll off of his shoulders.

If his partner is comfortable with taking the relationship to a sexual level, the matter doesn't really need to be fully discussed in lengthy, graphic details. It should be okay for him to be able to allow the intimacy to come natural. The desire for sexual gratification is perfectly normal, especially when one has developed deep feelings for another person. Depending on the type of disability that Bill has, he should be able to perform sexually in some manner for his partner.

Working around his disability shouldn't be an issue, since this is something that he has been living with since he was a child. Assuming that he has mobility and does not require assistance, there really shouldn't be an issue for him to perform sexually. His anxiety might stem from the fact that he is weary of what others might think of him because he is paralyzed. If his anxiety does directly relate to his disability, he will need to learn to cope with the fact that he is paralyzed and that it shouldn't affect his sexual desires or the desire to become intimate with his partner's.