Sexuality and Romance in Relationships

The vast majority of men , in all honesty, relish the idea of a woman who has sexual experience, however, there are still those who prefer the women they date and marry to be relatively "pure" and have all the attributes of their mothers.

Single woman such as the ones portrayed in "Sex and The City", while indicitive of real working woman, do a disservice by glamorizing the work aspect of relationships in that real relationships require real work. Sex for sex sake gets dull and dreary for anyone after awhile.

Certainly in the past, there has been a double standard for woman. If she's dated more than one man or didn't settle down right away, she would be called a "slut" in the first instance and an "old maid" in the latter. While a man who practiced the exact dating habits would be labeled neither.

People in relationships often have strong expectations that their partner will be just like they are: exhibit the same attitudes, values, perceptions and behaviors. However, we know that you will not change your partner's attitudes and behaviors unless they themselves are motivated to do so. You are even less likely to change their basic gender characteristics. So it is very important to educate yourself as to the basic gender differences which exist between men and women, and accept the fact that the differences are there, they are real, and they are not going away. In this way you can learn to use the differences as a way to enrich your relationship rather than to damage it.

Every person in a relationship is responsible for co-creating whatever they experience in the relationship. The purpose of dating is to have fun; explore how emotionally and physically safe it is to be with your dating partner; learn as much as you can about this person; and ultimately discover if you are compatible for a long-term relationship (if that is what you desire).

It is very useful to take time and pause for conscious reflection upon the real meaning of romance in intimate relationships. From the time we are young children, we listen wide-eyed to fairy tales of beautiful princesses being swept off their feet by charming princes who take them away to a better life where they live ''happily ever after.'' Their romance is intense, passionate, dramatic, intoxicating and transformative. Their love is able to surmount all sorts of obstacles - financial and ethnic differences, monsters and goblins, evil kings and queens - because they know in their hearts, they have found the one true love they will spend the rest of their lives with. As we grow up, we hear this wonderful theme repeated endlessly in cartoons, movies, romance novels and hit songs. We grow very fond of this sweet tale, and can't wait until the day when Cupid's arrow hits its mark squarely in our hearts.

And then it happens! We look into another's eyes and something wonderful and mysterious overtakes us.We feel a great joy and spontaneity that we've never felt before. Innocently and completely, we surrender to this awesome energy. We have found our soul mate, our one true partner who will fulfill all our needs unconditionally, and our hearts and souls will dance and sing for all eternity.

But then it dawns on us, sometimes slowly and imperceptibly, other times instantly and bluntly: there will be no ''happily ever after'' in this relationship. We experience conflict, anger, disappointment and hurt. What was once easy and effortless is now difficult and painful. What happened?

Woman and society have truly come a long way, but unfortunately, there is an unseen, unspoken code of ethics that still holds woman to a higher standard and manifest itself certainly when we are "sizing up" a prospective sister-in-law or best friend's love interest.

I have come to the conclusion that most men fall into a category that prefers woman who are a little of both: saint and sinner. This is a fantasy, of course , because the modern woman, more often than not, is employed full time, is care giver to the children, her husband , and possibly her elderly parents.

Both men and woman are happily obliged when their significant other can find the time and energy to accommodate our saint-sinner fantasy; fully knowing, that life goes on, as usual, after the loving.