Sexy Halloween Costume Ideas for October or Any Time

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There's something about a woman in uniform...but about a woman in costume, there is something so much more. Allow this writer to reminiscence momentarily about the revelatory instance in which I learned the former. In my burg sits a certain 1950s-style diner. You know the type: soda fountain, cheesy songs by a bunch of guys named Bobby on the old-school jukebox (Actually, are there any new-school jukeboxes?), liver and onions on the menu and, of course, those waitresses.

Decked out in their skirts to the thighs, the saddle shoes and little white socks, hustling about with hair tied back in severe ponytails...bam, it hit me doubtlessly with all the force of discovering the theory of relativity: It's all about the pent-up sexual energy. That cozy thought kept me returning to gawk, endlessly milking endless egg creams which assuredly did not cost five dollars in the 1950s (hell, they don't even have bourbon in them, as Vincent Vega might lament).

Unless you want to break the budget on Coca-Colas and possibly bail should your drooling and gawking become too obviously addictive, just wait for Halloween or any occasion requiring dress-up for a glimpse of a sexy costume. Ideas are plenty, well beyond the stereotypical Playboy bunny gear and well into whole new realms of sexy Halloween costume ideas. To foster these trends, see the short expostulation of a few sexy costume ideas below. Sometimes I love this job...

The Catwoman. In 1992, Batman Returns was released in theatres. Batman's nemesis, played by Michelle Pfeiffer, may have created the biggest cinematic sartorial sensation since Diane Keaton's Annie Hall (at least once a year). Dress up your kitten in this outfit of sheer leather. (To make it especially clear, we're talking Michelle Pfeiffer's paint-it-on version, not the Halle Berry sleeveless thing.) It's maybe even better than the classic Wonder Woman outfit. Oh thank you, Tim Burton, thank you, thank you.

The Drill Sergeant. I tell you, serving your country has never looked so good. No fetishist me (well, not entirely), this writer finds sexy costume ideas along this line nearly irresistible. A topcoat only - camouflage naturally - and that little hat that hasn't been worn since the days of Bob Hope's heyday can top off, say, fishnet stockings. Stand at attention, indeed.

The Dessert. No joke, a popular idea as of late is that sexy costume ideas known as the "cherry pie" or the "apple pie." A little skirt at bottom and a pair of fruit-shaped pads strategically placed up top comprise the ensemble. Bowing to the paradox of fashion, this costume uses less material than most and thus is typically more expensive to buy or rent. Never mind: You can really sink your teeth into these babies.

The Wet T-Shirt Contest Winner. The designer of this costume has really missed the point, which is primarily to titillate this writer. This ensemble comes with a T-shirt made to look wet, and rubber "body parts" (read: breasts). Just don't get it, do they? I suppose somebody was thinking that to actually wear a wet T-shirt on the eve of November would be a tad chilly, but still...

The Beer-Serving Girl. An image that has tormented young lads since the first time they see a St. Pauli Girl label. Cleavage that doth spill over, oh my. Add an honest-to-Sam Adams beer, and you've completed the queen of sexy costume ideas. Jawohl, and Happy Halloween!