"Sexy Li'l Thug":Black Women, Choices & Responsibility

"There's a thug in my life, how'ma gonna tell my mama
She gonna say it ain't right, but he's so good to me
There's a thug in my life, and its gonna cause crazy drama
I'm gonna see him tonight, I'm gonna give him everything"

Rihanna, "There's a Thug In My Life" Def Jam Records 2007

We're about to miss another opportunity

The beating of Rihanna had us rightfully focused on male brutality. The rapper Li'l Wayne's Svengali effect on so many successful black women, many of whom are having his child, should focus us on a broader issue-our failure to hold recent generations of black women (say, those born post-Civil Rights movement) for their part in maladies that afflict us, that are in turn inevitably bequeathed to succeeding generations.

The elephant in the room has broken yet another table, and we merely sweep up the mess and throw it away, and blithely buy another

When our issues are addressed in panel and discourse -swelling prison populations, single motherhood, interracial dating vis-à-vis high rate of single/never married black women, educational failures of black men, even the increasing turgid redundancy of the once vibrant and diverse hip-hop culture-there are twin factors that are consistently ignored. The foundation of the first is a simple, universal truth; that men will be what women want them to be.

Let us not mince words here. Modern black women and girls love thugs. They are enamored with them. Not only that, but thuggishness is, in their eyes, the singular definition of masculinity. Knuckleheadedness is cute, even when it goes beyond the impish and moves to the malignant. They don't expect more of men, and the brothers in most cases have delivered what the sisters have demonstrated by their actions that they want. This affinity dovetails with a larger zeitgeist of black male disposability, where black women of the most recent two generations, particularly successful ones, express a cavalier attitude about the need to even have us around. Popular music from the last 20 years (TLC "Baby, Baby, Baby" and "No Scrubs," Salt N Pepa's "Independent") reflects this.

The foregoing is rooted in a wider generational chasm. There is a qualitative difference between sisters born before, say, 1968 and those born after, and these are introspection and circumspection.

The terms of the debate (that the root cause of Black America's problems have little to do with Black women) have been gone unchallenged, especially by prominent brothers. For instance, how many times have we asked a sister with multiple out of wedlock children," What was this man doing with his life when you decided to bear his child?" I suspect seldom. Try telling a modern black woman that her single status is due to anything other than the usual clichés-"intimidated men" "jungle fever" "shortage of 'good' black men." Ask her, "have you examined what you've been doing wrong?" and you are in for some verbal Ultimate Fighting. This is the "third rail" of black discourse, and black male thinkers and leader seem scared to approach it, except on the margins. A great visual of this was a pair of back-to-back talk shows featuring the caustic (and sometimes outrageous) Shaherazad Ali in 1992. One show had nothing but brothers in the audience. Her theme for them was "Stop Lying," not just with their mouths but also by, say, wearing clothes they couldn't afford while driving tricked out cars that put them in debt to give the impression they were richer. The second show was for the sistas, and she had choice words for them as well. The Black men, amenable to guidance from an elder, listened, and took their medicine. The black women yelled, screamed, shouted, booed, shook their heads, and were chomping at the bit to engage Ms Ali. The difference in audience reaction was jarring.

Until the age of You Tube and blogs, Black men had no panel in media on this issue, unless they conformed to the one-sided premise. Hill Harper, for example, promotes the idea that black male irresponsibility will not recede until those of us doing the right thing fail to check brothers who are doing wrong. Or we have public self-flagellation, such as Blair Underwood's film "Sister, I'm Sorry."

There needs to be a paradigm shift, one that assumes black women to be adults, adults not in the thrall of "Swag"-soaked Svengalis but responsible for choices.

[Second Verse: Beyonce (DC)]
We like dem boys up top from the BK (BK)
Know how to flip that money three ways (Three ways)
Always ridin' big on the freeway (Freeway)
(Wit that east coast slang that us country girls be like)
Low cut caesars wit the deep waves (deep waves)
So quick to snatch up your Beyonce (Beyonce)
Always comin down poppin our way (Our way)
(Tellin us that country girls the kinda girl they like)

[Hook: DC]
If your status ain't hood
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he lookin' at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things
If you know what I mean
If your status ain't hood
I ain't checkin' for him
Betta be street if he looking at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Gotta know to get dough
And he betta be street

Destiny's Child, "Soldier," Columbia Records 2003

The inauguration was a great visual of this generational dichotomy. I watched in rapt attention as Beyonce sang "At Last" during the inaugural ball, but not only for the reasons most Black folks were. No, to me Beyonce Knowles and Michelle Obama represented a visual dichotomy. The First Lady, born in 1961, and the current First Lady of Black Popular Culture, born in 1981, are emblematic of their eras. As we celebrated to consummation of our collective triumph, the words of Beyonce's songs, and those of other Black female artists, rang in my head. Had she met a young Barack Obama-bright, eloquent, charismatic, but not yet a man of means (although headed there)-she, and most black women of her era and mine (I was born in 1972) would be completely uninterested in him. A 46yo Obama has status. A 17-30 Obama? A "square", a "Herb", "soft", "not thuggish enough." "Girl, I'd rather have a real man in saggin' jeans than a coward in suit."

Listen to "Soldier" just once. But don't stop there. Check "Sexy Li'l Thug" and "Thug Lovin'." Kandi Burress and Tiny Cottle wrote "No Scrubs." Check their choices for men? Any accountants, engineers, bankers? Nope, just "street pharmacists." Whitney Houston chose Bobby Brown. Message to black girls from the most influential black female entertainers of the past 20 years-- if he's not thuggin' get to runnin' (the other way.) You see similar choices by successful black women who overlook or boot out responsible men for ne'er do wells.

It's clear that "good brother check bad brother" is a Fool's Errand. As Online Commentator Sgt Willie of Political Skeptic (who was banned from You Tube because of black female protest, by the way) aptly put it, try getting someone to come to work after telling them they don't have come to work to get paid. The very same type of men black women complain about are the one's they prefer and have babies by. Men are motivated by female attention. If what they are doing gets them that, it matters not what "nice brother" has to say. Look at the Little Wayne saga. He has three women, including two successful black ones, carrying his child RIGHT NOW. Common made "The Light." Wayne made "I Wanna F*** Every Girl in the World." Guess who's more popular among black women. T.I. consistently polls as the sexiest rapper. And you expect "Straight Arrow Gennaro" brother to tell "Ice Grill G" to go to school and treat his girl like a queen?

Michelle Obama stands in stark contrast. Due in no small part to her upbringing that stressed education, The former Michelle Robinson, as South Side Chicago as it gets, was circumspect in her choices. In Barack, she saw a man with the foundations-character, inner strength; convictions, long term goals and the drive to achieve them, augmented by a sense of duty and responsibility-and positively reinforced them with her affections. It was an era when getting educated was not considered weak. She was born in 1961.

The de-evolution is embodied in the tortured life of Tupac. Tupac was a ghetto kid, surely, but not a gangster by pedigree. He became one after his first record, and then his career took off. You don't have to wonder why, just watch a 1989 interview with an 18 year old Tupac, where he discusses being called "too nice" by women. Thus, as his criminal record grew, so grew his status as rap's pre-eminent heartthrob. Alas, he found out the hard way that it's daunting to begin a gangbanging career at 23. He was dead by 25.

In Sports, it's the same. I was around many young sisters in the 90s. Although I saw no Tiger Woods posters on their walls, Allen Iverson was everywhere. Black women weren't attracted to Tiger Woods, ever.

The following is what we must tell our daughters, if we want them to have choice black mates as an option; 100% of what men do is based on what women respond to. You must be more selective as to who you have children with, and more careful about the behaviors you reinforce. When all you date are thugs, it is your fault when your little brother throws his textbooks in the trash. When you call him a "scrub" because he rides the bus, or tell him he is not thuggish enough is your fault if he jumps the racial fence. When you bear children by F-students who jack cars, it will be your fault when you're 28, single, and saddled with 3 kids and a high gas bill from traveling to see their father in prison. When you as a science geek girl don't want the science geek boy, it is your fault you can't find a date in college, as the boy cum young man has plenty of options and no longer wants you. Black women must take the lead in this "toughlove" campaign, and prominent black men can't be afraid to get their noses bloodied. Every struggle has risk.

Should we continue to let opportunities pass, there will be no reward.

SOURCES
www.youtube.com
www.defjam.com
www.columbiarecords.com