She's Baaack..

I didn't expect a party upon my return from a few days in the lap of luxury, but it would have been nice to get the suitcase upstairs before being inundated with orders, doctor instructions, and new procedures for a household turned upside down. Jeez, can't go away for a few days without the structure and perfection of my life collapsing.

Apparently the sister felt as though I had deserted her and decided to embarrass me by falling ass over band-box in the center of the village, while walking the dog. Not being the petite young maiden of yesteryear, the tonnage landing on her shoulder caused a few bones to snap like twigs.

There she was, rolling around in a snow bank with the dog sitting beside her in a desperate state of helplessness. She recovered momentarily and, in a daze, walked home rather than to the hospital a few hundred yards away.

One must understand that when the sister is a bit under the weather, our finely tuned household comes to a screeching halt. No one knows how to cook, feed the animals, do the laundry, clean, take out the garbage, or complete any other necessary chore, and of course I wasn't available to take the helm. So, I sprang into action, assigned everyone duties to perform and went into the bird room which had been temporarily designated as the recovery room.

The sister was strapped up and wrapped up like a mummy, barely able to whisper. She was drugged out on Percocet, drooling slightly as she tried to explain what happened. Of course, everyone else had related their own stories, giving me a blow by blow account of just exactly what had transpired. She insisted she was fine, and would be up and around in no time.

From what I could piece together, she caught her foot on the cracked pavement, lunged forward, and cleverly attempted a forward roll like a parachutist. Turns out she executed more of a side flop/slap landing, trapping the leash under her, and nearly strangling the horrified dog. I looked over her doctor and hospital appointments, nailed down the schedule for the different medications and realized my time would be hers for the next eight to ten weeks.

Actually, things went pretty well for the next couple of days. The little kids were unbelievably cooperative, and the bigger kids did the brunt of the shopping and cooking. By the time things were pretty much under control again, I sat down and opened my email. Three hundred and eighty-three new messages. Well, for the first time, and I sincerely apologize to my AC friends, I deleted all of them. There. I confess. I zapped you guys right into cyberspace. (I'll try to catch up later, honest!) Then I pulled a blanket over me and just when I had closed my eyes, the little guy screamed into the kitchen, white-faced and on the verge of tears. "Mom needs you!" he squeaked through quivering lips.

I waddled upstairs at warp speed to find the niece huddled in her bed, shaking uncontrollably, nauseous and down for the count with a migraine. Great. She'd be out of commission for at least two days. Seems people around here were dropping like flies.

I'll have to think twice before getting out of Dodge for a few days again. My schedule is upside down. My time is no longer my own. However, I do have some good news to report. The ingenious sister has come through once again. She has figured out a way to shower and dress herself with the assistance of some cooking utensils and a stick with a hook on it. Now if she could just figure out a way to take care of her daughter.....

Frank just called. He came up with a great idea. Since the sister won't be able to clear any snow for the rest of the winter, he thinks I should invest in a remote control snow blower. I think he's onto something.