Shoe Shopping with Your Wife: A Guy's Guide to Efficiency

If there is anything I am an expert in, it is shopping with my wife. I love spending time with her, but there were times where I hated shopping with her. I could not stand it. I would be standing in the same place for 20 minutes looking at the same two pairs of shoes, knowing which one she would go home with and which one she SHOULD go home with. I would give the frustrating "whatever you think, honey" answer and go about my business. This in turn led to more frustration for her because she kinda knew what to buy but just needed that extra push. If not, we'd end up buying something in a hurry and then turning around and spending half a gallon of gas taking it back next week. And that always involves an even longer wait at the customer return department.

Does this sound familiar to you? It was my frustration until the last few years. I learned a few things that cut our shoe shopping time and return time down considerably while still having fun hanging out with my wife. We hardly spend more than 30 minutes picking out two outfits and a pair of shoes in a store now.

How do I do it? I paid attention at home and got selfish, that's how. Guys, I'm going to give you a few observations, tips, and tricks to help you shoe shop with your wife and get home at a decent hour. This may require you to step out the circle of manhood for a few minutes, but you'll be back watching the playoffs in no time. I promise you, take some of these suggestions and you'll be a shoe pro!

1) Know your woman's clothes and colors. Almost any top can go with blue jeans. T-shirts go with blue jeans. Sneakers go with blue jeans. But not every top's color goes with every sneaker. So if your wife has light-colored blue jeans, blue-colored shirts, and she spots some red sneakers and says "Honey, these are cute. Do you like them?" your answer is "they are cute, but do you have anything that matches them at home?" She'll think about it and she may say "no, I don't. Let's get something else" or "well, I do have this ONE shirt..."

One shirt? Should you spend $60 or $70 or any amount of money on a pair of shoes that match exactly one outfit? Hardly. She knows it, too. But don't talk about the money; talk about efficiency. "Baby, I bet we could find another pair of cute shoes that match a few of your pretty shirts. You wear a lot of (insert color here) with your blue jeans so we should look for some shoes with (blank) in them." Yes, you just sounded like one of the dudes from Queer Eye, but you also saved 20 minutes staring at the same pair of shoes or random other pairs. Just because the shirt is dark blue doesn't mean the entire shoe has to be dark blue. It just has to have enough to match.

2) Use The Right Tones! In other words, just because two things are essentially the same color, they are not. This is where your manly, techno-geek side comes in handy. Use that $499 camera-phone you just bought. Before you leave, ask her what clothes she is buying shoes for. Take a picture of that outfit under the best light of your house. When you get to the store, she's going to ask, "Does this match?" Whip out the pics and you can decide together.

3) Special occasions are special. There is probably only one dress involved and only one pair of shoes that could possibly go with it. And guess what? They may only be worn one time and practically never seen in public again. It is money almost thrown down the drain...

Notice I said "almost." Believe it or not, if you do enough convincing and the situation is right, that little black dress with the only pair of shoes in the universe that match it CAN be worn again! Women in general don't want to be seen all gussied up in the same outfit twice, even though us guys are happy to wear the same suit to two different weddings. But if you aren't going to run into the same crowd, who cares?

Just take a look at your calendar and her calendar. If your special occasions involve two entirely different groups of people 100 miles apart (your cousin from West Virginia's wedding and her job's Christmas Party), it can be worn again.

Also, suggest some online browsing for the shoes. When she picks out a pair that's at least close to what you're looking for, take a picture or embed it in your mind. You can go to different stores in the same area and scout them out much faster. Again, use that cell phone technology. "Baby, they got no strapless 4-inch heels here. I'll meet you at Shoe Carnivale." And since they're only being worn once (unless you remember hint #1 and convinced that one pair will match two or three outfits), it doesn't matter if they are at Wal-Mart or the Wedding Apparel store, as long as they match the outfit and won't break. Just in case they do, bring that small tube of superglue and stick it in the car.

Get over your manliness and get on with your efficiency! The time saved is more time for you and the shopping experience may actually be fun. Besides, if it's not, make her go with you to Best Buy and ask "honey, should I buy the monster cable or the regular speaker wire for the surround sound system?"