Short Attention Man is a Real Man
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for sensitivity. A Real Man shows his feelings, isn't afraid to cry.
Even on those doggone long-distance phone company ads. I mean, why must we move so far apart, people? I'm telling you, money isn't everything. That grandpa should have his grandson nearby, take him to the ol' fishin' hole. Darn it, there I go again, faucets, people, faucets! Oops, forgot this thing was on...
Real Men, though, know there's a time and place for that kind of thing. Break your leg, get up and shake it off, you've got work to do! Cut off a finger? Bah! That's what the ice in the cooler is for, that and for beer!
Or a nice chilled Chianti. It goes down so smooth, I tell you, perfect to go with grapes and cheese. Or is that fish? I'll have to call Pablo later, he's so much better with that stuff...
I mean Pete! Pete is a man's man, let me tell you. He's a chainsaw sculptor, made a statue of John Wayne out of an oak tree, then took his gun and hunted down a grizzly bear. Yeah, that bear tried to come quietly, but Pete wasn't having it! Then, to top off the night, it was beer (his 30th or so of the day, the man lost count, ain't that cool!) and pizza and Skinamax.
Would you look at these windows? What was I thinking when I picked those curtains? I mean, seriously, blue? Isn't blue so yesterday? And isn't saying "So yesterday" so yesterday? I'll have to ask someone about that.
That...that karate class I've been meaning to take. Not that I need any more help to whip someone's butt, mind you, but knowledge is power, and you know what they say, "Knowledge of power is absolute power!" Or something like that. Who has time for books? Or research? Real Men make stuff up, and you'll just have to accept that, world!
Now, I'll get Mr. Editor off my back. Seriously, I mean, he yells at me all the time. "You need to get your column into me on time, and stop going off focus!" Going off focus? Me?! I'll give him going off focus when I put this red stilletto so far up his...
I think I just found out more about myself than I really wanted to here.
Published by Jeremy C
Married with two kids, proud native of Essex/Middle River, MD, returning to college to obtain massage therapy degree, first published book, "The Illusion Stick," a children's fantasy story, now available! Ch... View profile
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