Short Story - Held at Arm's Length

She blew steel blue smoke onto the light fixture above and acknowledged silently to herself that enough stayed inside to make trouble later. The woman seated across the trendy tile tabletop from her blinked, regretted this foray into the unfamiliarity of the smoking section. Too late to change now. Besides Marnie wouldn't sit anywhere else.

"It seems like last week we were both pounding the books in Rinkoff," Ashley said, heedless as ever to the eyes locked onto her perfect blonde beauty.

"Rinkoff was Frankenstein's vision of a library," Marnie laughed. Straight short hair trimmed around her neck and ears, oversized T-shirt hinting at bralessness, she balanced her father's harsh Germanic features and rich black eyes with dignified resignation. "I spent so much fucking time there, I had my own box of dirt to study in."

"That's nothing. Every single anthropology book in that place was old. The newest one was about the 'recent' discovery of the New World," Ashley screamed. "Even when I found something important, I didn't want to touch it."

Someone came with menus, departed with orders.

"I couldn't believe it when I met Terence in my second year Master's anthro seminar," Ashley gushed. "I just knew we'd get engaged and look!"

She pushed her diamond-graced hand across the table. Marnie held her hand carefully and smiled at the stone from behind smoke.

"It suits you. You have nice hands. This Terence must be good for you. I gotta tell you though, I never expected to be friends with the chick half of the All-American couple."

"Oh, we're just not all that everyday, you know. I know I'm lucky. I mean, the Museum hired me right out of school and Terence is doing really well at the firm. But this is going to be a long, long engagement. I'm not ready to get married, you know. I mean, I know that he's the perfect man for me and everything, but the M-word is just too scary right now. You know what they say about things that are too good to be true...?"

"Bed 'em and find out for sure?"

Sandwiches landed amid the laughter.

"Another vodka martini, please," Marnie said.

" Chardonnay for me," Ashley said.

"You remember the pass you blasted to me in that game against St. Ann's--," Marnie started.

"-That you dunked-"

"And drew the foul," they said together and Marnie dropped her cigarette in the ashtray to give Ashley proper two-handed fives.

"Course I fucked up the free throws," Marnie confessed.

"Like always," they said together and laughed into each other's eyes.

"But you got better every game," Ashley comforted.

"Are you crazy? I never got one goddam bit better at free throws. I hated free throws. My percentage didn't improve one point in three years. Free throws were the O-chem of my basketball days," Marnie insisted.

"Oh, you weren't that bad," Ashley shook her head and laughed out the window.

"I was terrible at free throws. But I had a helluva lot of fun," Marnie smiled.

Sandwiches were munched. Drinks were sloshed, a little quicker on the blonde side of the table.

"So what's new with you?" Ashley looked up over the rim of her glass.

"Oh man, are you sure you're ready for this dose of reality?" Marnie held her sandwich up, just in case.

"Of course I do," and Ashley slurped her wine a little too energetically.

"Well, I was fast trackin' at the agency. Pinky Schecht said I was doing great work, promising me all kinds of promotions and a car and bigger territories and regional accounts. All that corporate shit. And then it got slow. It's advertising. It always gets slow. Next thing I know, he's telling me 'It's really not a lay off, it's a temporary work pause--'"

"Oh, no! How stupid. I can't believe it. Like you would buy that line."

"Yeah! And while he's tossing me out the door I'm thinking 'OK, you bastard, it might be a temporary work pause to you, but it's a permanent paycheck pause for me.'"

"Oh, Marnie. That's not true, is it? Permanent? You couldn't even tell him what you really felt either."

"Hell no. Honesty isn't the same as stupidity. They have you by the throat. If you crack on them, you'll never go back to work there and maybe never work anywhere else. That's the name of that game."

"So you just pretend it's all just fine with you and you smile...."

"Yeah, but you sure as hell think it."

There was a pause. Marnie stared at her friend curiously, looked past the high-end business suit and the pretty face. Smart woman, she thought. Smart enough to figure everything out on her own, just not brave enough to admit it.

Ashley blushed and looked away, conceding the unspoken. "So what are you doing now?" she asked the window.

"Waiting tables, can you believe it? The most degrading goddam job in the world. I'm just one more over-educated joker, schmoozing nitwits for a couple bucks in tips. Most of the customers are too stupid to calculate fifteen percent, so they round their check to the nearest ten dollars and call it a night. It's horrible."

"Oh, Marnie. I'm so sorry."

Black eyes watched her eat, lipstick disappearing with the grilled chicken sandwich, one corrected bite at a time. Marnie knew she was making her uncomfortable. Tough shit, she thought. But she bit her lip guiltily. It's not her fault she found a six figure husband-to-be. Marnie looked out the window.

"What about Marco? What happened to you two?" The Chardonnay glass was empty again.

"Marco called me from Chicago. Collect from the pay phone at Puck's cigar bar no less. To tell me he wasn't coming back. He was sending movers the next day to pack his stuff up and would I please be out before they got there."

"No he didn't!" Ashley pushed her plate aside and put both hands on the table.

"Oh, yes he did darlin'. Just like that." Marnie flicked the flame off her lighter and inhaled hard. Ice clinked in the vodka-empty glass.

"I can't believe it, Marnie. No warning? No nothing?"

Marnie blew smoke at the window.

"That's disgusting," Ashley sloshed wine with indignant innocence onto the floor. "He must have changed his mind later, didn't he?" Her voice was rising.

"Changed his mind? Christ, no. He doesn't have a mind to change. All his brains are in the little head."

"Oh, Marnie. I wanted you to be so happy and everything looks so hard right now."

"That's the way it is. Not every dream comes true. Sometimes none of them do."

"Doesn't that make you sad?"

"Best kick in the ass I ever had."

Drinks appeared in the silence.

"Do you have anything pierced?" Ashley blurted.

"What? Pierced? What are you saying?" Marnie leaned way across the table. "Are you saying you do? Ashley, you? Are you serious?"

Ashley's face deepened even more. "I did it for Terence," she whisper-laughed.

"Oh my god! What did you pierce? Show me," Marnie goaded.

"I can't show you."

"What do you mean you can't show me? You pierced something you can't show me? What in the hell did you do?"

Ashley leaned into the table, her red face close to Marnie's.

"A nipple, " she whispered.

"You're shitting me!" Marnie screamed. "Oh my god! That is the most sensational thing I've ever heard. I thought my navel ring was crazy--"

"You pierced your navel?"

"I cried for a week after. I still haven't told my mother. But I never would have--"

She sneaked a peek at Ashley's shirtfront and they both blushed.

"What do you do when you have little Ashleys. Will that one be the express lane since it has more holes?" Marnie asked wickedly.

"Oh my God, you're so wild. It doesn't work that way, you lunatic." The women sat back in their seats and shook their heads at one another.

Ashley looked out the window.

"It's not really such a big deal," she said. "Besides, I'm going to let it grow over again."

"Why? Doesn't Terence like it?

"Oh, he loves it. You should see some of the rings he's given me. But I don't think it's such a hot idea."

"Hi kids," Krista slammed into the seat next to Marnie. She reached across the table. "I'm Marnie's roommate, Krista."

"I'm Ashley. Marnie and I were at Miami together."

"Oh sure, you're the guard with all the great passes."

Marnie laughed hard and Ashley blushed again.

"Hey, that's not what I meant." Krista looked over her shoulder at the line forming at the carryout counter. "Some first impression, huh? Listen, I'm just picking up some appetizers for the office. We've gotta get a spread for a New York fashion program finished by tomorrow. Gimme a sip of your martini or I'll never get through the day. Nice meeting you Ashley. Why don't you stop by some evening?"

"Yeah," Marnie added. "Bring Terence over some night."

"Sure. I think I'd like that. I know he would enjoy meeting you both. It's nice to meet you too, Krista."

Krista started talking her way to the front of the line.

Plates were cleared. Check paid, they stood. Marnie noticed tears in her eyes.

"I'm so glad we got together." They hugged.

"What's the matter? Are you all right?"

"I'm just so relieved, Marnie."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, ever since I've known you, I was always a little afraid that you were, you know, more interested in women than men. You know, like a lesbian." Tears and slurred words gushed onto the floor. She was a sloppy drunk. "And when you told me about Marco shitting on you, and I just wanted you to be as happy as I'm going to be and I was so worried until just a minute ago."

"Ashley, what the fuck are you talking about?"

Ashley held Marnie's elbows reassuredly. "Well, now that I've met Krista, and she's your roommate and everything, and, I mean she's obviously not that way at all. I was just so stupid to ever wonder about you. You'll meet a nice man. You'll get married like me and we'll take our kids to soccer camp together and everything will be fine. Won't it? Won't it, Marnie?"

"Ashley, calm down. I'm going to get you a cab. Everything is going to be just fine. You're going to have a wonderful life with Elmer."

"Terence."

"Whatever."

"Oh, Marnie, you're my best friend. I hope you don't think I'm too foolish. And Krista seems like such a nice woman."

Marnie smiled. "She is a nice woman. I'll tell her you said so."

"Well, I'll call you next week."

"Sounds great, Ashley. Tell Elmer I said hello. Call me."

"Terence, you maniac. You're going to make me forget his name."

Every head turned to follow Ashley to the door.

Marnie sat again. Unfolded the classifieds. Ordered another martini. Krista stopped with an armful of paper bags.

"Any prospects?"

"Probably. I haven't read them all yet."

"Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all. Take a year off and relax, huh? Work on your portfolio. Do some freelance stuff. You don't have to go anywhere until you're ready. Not every dream comes true."

"Sometimes none of them do."

"It only takes one." She touched Marnie quickly on the inside of the arm with the backs of her fingers. Once up. Once down.

"See you when I get home."

"Yes," Marnie said through blue smoke. "Yes you will."