Should You Bring Children to a Funeral?
Will the deceased's next of kin want children at the funeral?
This is the most important question to consider. Some people enjoy having children at a funeral because it shows the circle of life. A child's presence can bring comfort to some grieving survivors by showing them that life goes on. Others may feel that a happy child's presence is disrespectful in a place of grieving.
Regardless of your views, you should consider the views of those closest to the deceased. It is of the utmost importance to respect their wishes during their time of grieving.
Is your child normally well-behaved in public?
If your child frequently acts out in public, it is probably best to leave him or her with a sitter while you attend the funeral. A funeral is not the time or place for you to be struggling with your child's behavior. Out of respect for yourself and others, you should only bring your child if you think he or she will behave throughout the funeral.
Is your child old enough to understand death?
If your child is too young to have any sort of grasp on death, then your child has little to gain from the experience. Your child will likely not understand how to behave in such an environment. A young toddler may unintentionally act inappropriate. Also, some young children may get frightened if there is an open casket.
An exception to this rule would be infants. If you have a mild-tempered baby, and his or her presence is welcome at the funeral, then by all means, take him or her.
Does your child want to attend the funeral?
A child should never be forced to attend a funeral. If you desire for your child to attend, but he or she wishes not to, you may want to sit down and talk with your child. Let your child tell you why he or she does not wish to attend. You can explain the benefits of attending the funeral, but in the end the decision should be left to your child.
If you have answered yes to all of these questions and have decided to take your child with you to a funeral, be sure to mentally prepare him or her before the funeral. You can discuss what might be seen or heard. You should also discuss how to behave before arriving at the funeral. Be ready to console your child, if he or she needs it.
Published by Ms. Wettin
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14 Comments
Post a CommentWhat about people bringing children that do not know the person at all its just because they don't want to get a babysitter. I feel its rude. Children always fuss and make noise. It will take away the reverent spirit if children who are no relation attend just because the mom won't get a sitter.
http://mommaexplains.blogspot.com/2009/06/children-at-funeral.html is where I talk about my thoughts regarding bringing children to a funeral. I feel that you are robbing your child of a necessary part of life by not bringing them. If they are too little to understand you should still bring them and try your best to explain the situation. All the child knows is that the person they knew is no longer present, explaining where that person is will give them much needed closure.
My son lost one of his playmate today, and it is his choice to go to the funeral. I hope it will help him to understand death and be able to have proper closer. The little one who died is my niece she was 5 we love her so much and will miss her deeply.
As a child I had been left at home to grieve alone instead of at the funeral with my family. I for one hated that everyone assumed it would be to much for me or that I would not comprehened it. It was horrible to have to grieve alone while everyone else in the family got to greive together. I agree with your part about letting it be the child's decision.
Great advice. My Mom passed away two years ago. The kids were four and barely two. We decided the two year old would not go (she had no clue what was going on) and I was up for forty eight hours of course upset about my Mom and stressing about whether my son should go. Out of the blue, he got sick..really sick with flu-like symptoms. I am convinced God was reaching down and taking that decision right out of my hand. I had researched it, contacted our minister...you name it. We later took him to the funeral home and talked about Grandmother being in heaven. Anyway, I wish I had your article to refer to back then.
Good advice. I think going to funerals as a child was as natural an experience as going to a wedding.
Great advice. My stepmother passed away in February and we decided to allow our girls who are seven and nine to attend. They had never been to a funeral before and I really struggled with the decision. They handled it very well and I was so proud of them.
I think that it is ok to bring a child to a funeral. I am an avid believer in teaching reality. Eventually death comes up. It's not an easy thing but you have to teach them how to deal with it, or help them through it when it is someone close to them. Great article.
Excellent advice.
Wonderful article--great advice!