Should Cheating Husbands Be Forgiven?

How many times have you heard someone say, "if my husband every cheated with me it would be over.."? I have heard this phrase over and over, and I thought the same thing, until it happened to me. I have seen it happen to several other women as well.

My husband was having an emotional affair with another woman on line. I happen to find out one day and I was so upset. I cried, I yelled, and I sat there not knowing what to do. I thought I was so sure of what I would do until it actually happened to me. I called a therapist and told them what was going on. We talked and I thought about divorce, separating, starting over, taking him back, but I could not make up my mind. I did not tell anyone at first because I was too ashamed. I felt like I was a wife that failed. Failed how I was not sure, but one thing was for sure I still had no clue what to do. My therapist was patient and we talked about the pros and cons of each option before making a deciding what would be my next move.

Divorce seemed so final to me and my therapist talked about how couples sometimes just jump to divorce before really thinking everything out. That is one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high. So I decided that would be my last choice.

Next we talked about separating and giving each other some space. My therapist simply stated that sometimes couples become so meshed you lose your individual self. Marriage becomes about a couple not two people who want to be in a relationship. This is a wonderful way to think and really explore your feelings. One of the benefits is it made me realize how much we took advantage of each other. To keep a marriage healthy you have to appreciate each other and respect each others individual strengths and weaknesses. Also it is important to give each other space and room to act as individuals. You don't have to share everything, have some of your own friends, do a hobby only you enjoy and try to check in with yourself and say I am taking care of me.

After a year of separation and many up and downs, my marriage has never been better. I do not regret what happened because it made our relationship stronger and we are much closer. I had lost myself and had forgotten to take care of me which caused me to lose interest in our relationship. I didn't have anything of my own and stopped doing hobbies I enjoyed because I didn't want to leave my partner out. I had lost my individuality and was taking that out on my partner.

The best advice to ever give someone is, have them listen to their heart, not everyone else's opinions and forget what you ever said in the past. I followed my heart, I love my husband, and I trust him with all of my being. I know he is sorry because I saw that his heart was broken too. My therapist made a good point by saying do not get swept up in the drama and forget what the real problem at hand is. This is one of the best pieces of advice to give a couple who is struggling.