Should Christian Couples Use Role-Playing During Sex?

My husband and I have been in the ministry for over 25 years now and the topic of Christians and good sex is one that rarely seems to be addressed in the church. I don't know why it's not discussed more seeing that God speaks very openly about sex in the Bible. Unfortunately, most Christians are afraid they will be damned to hell if they even bring up the subject.

After conducting hundreds of counseling sessions over the years we have found that a large number of Christians don't take the time to find out what God has to say about an issue. They base their ideas about life and love on what Grandma's great aunt told her years ago. Humans are creatures of habit and are usually afraid to take a stand against old traditions. You should always make up your own mind about what is best for you and your family. Remember, God says you need to be fully persuaded about the disputable issues (Romans 14:5).

Here are a few things to consider when deciding if fantasy and role-playing are right for you as a couple:

Be informed. Read Hebrews 13:4a, The Song of Solomon, Proverbs 5:18-19, Proverbs 23:7, and Romans 14:23, just to name a few. There are also several good Christian sites that deal with the topic. Google it!

Does it violate your convictions? If either of you have a problem with it, don't do it.

Is it legal? Obviously a big consideration for anyone; Christian or not.

Does it cause you to be more passionate with each other? Most couples we have counseled in the church have a problem with intimacy and passion. They feel guilty being honest about their desires and needs. If it helps you to have a more intimate relationship then it is a good thing. God makes it clear he wants married couples to have a strong intimate relationship with each other.

Does it cause you to miss your mate more when you are apart? If you can't wait to get home to be with your mate then things are going in the right direction!

Does it stir up your relationship with God? It has been our experience that Christian couples who have a passionate sex life are also more passionate about their relationship with God. This is why the devil attempts to bring division in the bedroom.

After a fantasy or role-playing session do you dwell more on your mate sexually or on other people? If the role-playing is simply a way for you to safely fantasize about other people (real or imagined) then it is defeating the purpose. It should cause you to think more about your mate, and less about other people. Remember, the Bible makes it clear that we are not to think lustfully about another person. It is however perfectly fine to desire your mate sexually.

Pray. This is the most important point. God is interested in every aspect of our lives. Sex is a big deal even if the church attempts to play it down (Gen. 2:24, Eph. 5:31). He wants to make sure we come together in a way that makes us stronger and not weaker. Turn it over to him. Be explicit and ask him to guide you.

The final point is to make sure that you have a strong line of communication open with your mate. If you work on communication, learn to trust each other, and you feel that your mate has your best interest at heart, then you can be assured that God will guide you in what is right for you.

And yes, my husband and I enjoy a full and exciting sex life filled with passion, romance, and fantasy. We have had to work through some issues over the years, but God has always been faithful to pull us back in if we go too far. Don't be afraid to give it a try!