Should Couples Live Together Before Getting Married?
Gradually, after spending time together, some of them get trapped into that relationship. Majority of them feel pressured to get married to avoid embarrassment, and some of them really want to make it work. Then they face the reality. Once married, they are subjected to the different tax laws that affect their pocket, which is not pleasant. The simplest of sacrifice seems obligation. The relationship does not stay confined to two persons; instead there is the element of "family involvement", that translates into less freedom. Unfortunately, many nice couples cannot win this ultimate test. It just doesn't work out. The normal human psychology is that when something is available easily without the legal binding and commitment, why go through the extra stress? As a result, the rocky relationship heads for "splits-ville".
To make the situation worse, if a child is born to a couple that are totally not prepared, that child does not create a bond; instead it becomes a bondage. God forbid, if then the marriage does not work out, that innocent child faces an unimaginable roller-coaster ride for the rest of its life. Two adults (who should act responsibly) do not have the right to bring a life to the world without ensuring a stable future.
Most marriages fail because of lack of compromise and understanding. Before marriage, it is usually all about "me", but after marriage it has to be about "us", and many couples fail to make that transition. The decision of living together is usually made on a whim by young, immature couples who are focused on short-term goals as opposed to enduring relationships. Also, a sacred relationship like marriage becomes compromised when a person makes himself or herself cheap and easily available. When a relationship fails even after living together, getting into a successful relationship later does not bring back the innocence, because the "exclusive sacred" place was not reserved for that spouse.
Therefore, the best solution is to handle any relationship with maturity, and not make hasty decisions. At the end though, it is about someone's own priorities. Nobody can dictate others how to live their lives. Whatever the decision is, the couples should make an effort to make the relationship work. Smart people do not make mistakes, they learn from others' mistakes; which means, be smart and don't live together before marriage.
Well, this is only my opinion and I would welcome comments on this.
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28 Comments
Post a CommentHoney getting married does not change all that. All it does is make things legal. If a couple is actually a good couple, then marriage wont change the relationship they share. If it is a good relationship, it will be good all the way through, if not then not even marraige will save it. Marriage is not something that is going to fix problems. As for messing with a childs life? Divorce is just as bad, if not worse, for a child, not to mention much more costly. Divorce happans because you discover you are not compatable in some way, this could include sexually. How do you know if you are compatable if you dont live together first? Not to mention that some people just are not ready to get married, but are in the commited relationship that marraige takes. People that are trying to secure their financial base, or going to college etc. may not be ready for marriage. My self and my love have lived together for almost two years (untill financiall problems came up, he had to get a new car since
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"Therefore, the best solution is to handle any relationship with maturity, and not make hasty decisions."
- I agree with this and that's why couples should not jump into a marriage without knowing what they are getting into.
To conclude: Because marriage is a very important decision, otherwise suggested by high divorce rates, it's smart to know what you're getting into. Living together would let you see things you wouldn't have seen if you had lived separately. You may discover good or bad habits of your bf/gf, but at least you're better informed when you make the decision. I think not only is it unwise but also expensive to jump into a marriage and end out in a divorce because you find out that your significant other has annoying habits you never knew because you have not lived with them before.
some of them really want to make it work."
- If marriage is such a sacred thing, as the author mentioned, then people should not let outside influence to make the decision to married for them.
"Once married, they are subjected to the different tax laws that affect their pocket, which is not pleasant."
- This is irrelevant to the topic as this is after the marriage. But to clear this up, married people pay less tax as a couple then they would if they were to pay tax as single individuals.
"Most marriages fail because of lack of compromise and understanding. Before marriage, it is usually all about "me", but after marriage it has to be about "us", and many couples fail to make that transition."
- I agree that relationship takes compromise and understanding to work. And I believe that living together first provide the perfect opportunity for couples to learn to do that before making the big commitment. Not living together first, on the other hand, lessens this opportunity to lea
First I would like to say that I believe that the decision whether to live with your bf/gf before marriage or not is a personal choice. But as set forth are my views on the matter and the break down of the author's arguments:
"Most of the time when couples decide to live together, the decision is made not because of the passion for each other but because of the convenience of being together."
- If this is the case, then they should not get married at all.
"The extra effort in maintaining a long distance relationship gets eliminated."
- A long distance relationship is not necessarily needed for a marriage. But living together is pretty much required. To make it clear, living together takes extra effort from both parties to learn to deal with each other on the day to day basis, which is what a marriage entails.
"Gradually, after spending time together, some of them get trapped into that relationship. Majority of them feel pressured to get married to avoid embarrassment, and s
I'm confused by this article, instead of giving reason why a couple shouldn't live together, the writer gave an arguement for why people shouldn't get married. the writer gave no answer to why one should get married, except that it's a "sacred Relationship" which it isn't, marriage was originally created for property exchanges. He also mentions that Taxes give you headaches, which is news to me because When I was studying Tax law in college my professor would constantly say "get married, the headaches of it are worth the tax benefits". Not to mention that biologically mammals are made to be poligamist, very few higher animals stay with only one mate for the rest of their lifes.
Couples should live together efore they get married it's just smart. U never really know someone until u've been around them long enough to see all their bad habits.
What happened to morals? There was a time that living together a.k.a shacking up was a shame. Only loose women gave it up before marriage and men respected a woman's virtue. Now anything goes. Teen pregnancy is celebrated. (exp. Juno) People are settling for just being someone's baby Momma / baby Daddy. (exp. Brangelina) Society has raped everything that is clean and just. But, no matter
what your personal opinion may be. We shall all be judged according to our deeds. Whether good or bad.
Just saying that living together is not a good choice before marriage is a little harsh. Different people in this world have different views of right and wrong. I personally think living together before marriage is a very intelligent idea. With the divorce rates as high as they are, isn't it intelligent to be able to make an informed decision about who you are potentially going to be spending the rest of your life with?
I think living together is a great thing to do before getting married. You get the chance to live and grow with that person, and also make sure you're going to be compatible before getting married. People act differently when meeting in public, or if you're spending a little time at their house. Things feel completely different after 4 days, a week, a month, a year living with someone else. It's much better to feel that before getting married then find out you can't stand to be around each other that long after you get married. Just my opinion, but I don't feel choosing to live with one another before getting married is an immature or irresponsible decision.
I guess you I can say you are right. I am guilty of living with my now hubby before we got married and haven't lived to regret it yet.
I don't believe in living together either but to me, it is a personal choice. My hubby and I lived with our parents and moved in together after our wedding. However, I know several couples where cohabitation worked out great.