Should Family Be the Babysitter?

Having family babysit your children can be the most rewarding experience for both your child and the relative. There are positive and negative things about family watching your children. If ground rules are established in the beginning and the relationship is one built on love and respect between the adults, then things will go a lot smoother along the way.

One of the biggest negatives about having a relative watch your children is respect. Too often we take advantage of the people we are related to more than we would a stranger or a friend. We expect them to watch our children at the last minute without notice because after all they were just at home watching an ER re-run right? Often times, the parent forgets to reward the relative as if they were a hired babysitter by paying them for their time or exchanging the favor of your time to them when needed. The same can also be said of the relative watching the child. It is easy to forget to show the parent the same respect one would a stranger on that side of the issue as well. It becomes easy to over ride the parent's instructions and keep the child the same as you would your own. There is less fear of repercussion when spoiling the child. If mom is concerned about nutrition, a relative will be quicker than a stranger to pop open a can of soda or hand the child an ice cream bar.

If the respect is there, the negative issues are easily dealt with. Most of the issues that arise with a relative babysitting the children stems from a respect between the parent and the relative. Some will say their mothers are quicker to be stern with the children, or too relaxed about the rules. In these cases, sometimes the parent of the child needs to really decide what battles are important along their parenting road. Obviously if mom spanks your little one when you are very firm about not using anything along those lines for discipline, you need to talk to mom about it.

This opens the door to another negative with relatives watching your children. Communication is essential between the parents and any babysitter. But when it comes to communicating with your parents, cousins, aunts, and others do you feel comfortable talking about things with them? Hearing their opinions and letting them know your values is important if you want this to run smoothly. It's hard to confront a parent about the way they are helping raise their grandchildren. But sometimes it has to be done if they are going to be actively babysitting.

Make sure you are comfortable and able to communicate with the relative that offers or you ask to watch your children. If you can't have a conversation with this person without one of you getting upset, this would not be a good relative to have babysitting. There will be issues that come up that you will need to work out verbally.

If there is good communication and mutual respect in the relationship between the adults, the process will be a lot more positive than negative.

Your child will get a chance to bond with someone they are related to other than their parents. My son has an excellent relationship with his grandma because she was always asking us to take a night to ourselves and let her babysit. The memories he has of his grandma are wonderful. For instance, they would make pancakes together on Saturday mornings. Sometimes they would bake cookies or a snack together on the weekend. He would watch movies with Grandma and snuggle up with her on the couch on a Friday night. Sometimes they might venture to the mall or a church function. This has made them very close and when he gets older he will remember the fun times he has spent with his grandparent. They have formed a relationship that will transcend throughout the years.

In addition to the bonding experience they have had, as parents we did not have to worry about things when we had our couple time. We knew if there was a medical emergency my mother was able to get him to the Dr. or hospital and call us. We knew she was capable of handling things that involved our son. If there was an ear infection, Grandma was capable of giving him his medicine on time as directed. If a case of the stomach flu hit while he was at her house she would know exactly what he needed and do it for him while waiting for us to get there. Many times, if it were something small like a minor stomach upset she wouldn't even call and tell us until we picked him up the next day. It made our evenings so much more enjoyable not having to worry about how our child was doing.

There have been cousins and siblings that have swapped services with us throughout the years as well. This can be an excellent benefit for your children because it may mean other children for them to play with. They get to know their relatives and grow up with them. It can be fun if you grew up with someone to watch your children doing the same together. It can also be stressful when you realize and reminisce on all the trouble you found together as children. But it can grow not only the children's relationships but the adults involved.

If a relative offers to watch the child long-term while one works, set a clear schedule up front. Also, communicate a payment arrangement before they begin watching them. If they won't take money, find another way to pay them back for their time. If the schedule isn't clear or there is no reward offered back to the gracious relative giving their time to your child, the relative can quickly feel taken advantage of down the road. They could begin to resent the relationship with both the child and you. For the sake of the relationship, and the babysitting being a positive environment for everyone, set clear rules up front. This can keep the resentment and hardships from coming up and ruining this experience in the long-term.

In short, yes there can be problems with relatives. There will also be problems with any babysitter one hires at times. It's how you handle the negative situations that make a difference in how the experience will be for everyone involved. Respect each other, communicate, and set expectations if it is a long- term arrangement.