Should You Force Your Toddler to Visit Santa?

Anyone with a toddler knows that they can be independent, single-minded little creatures. And if something doesn't please them, they'll definitely let you know. This especially applies to things like visiting Santa, which is such a popular tradition at this time of year. And I've personally seen many a parent trying to force their child to sit on a mall Santa's lap just for a moment so they can snap that picture-perfect moment (which usually consists of a toddler all red-faced and crying in terror while Santa looks helpless).

So this got me to thinking, since I've got an 18 month old daughter who's scared and shy around people she doesn't know. Should I bring her to try to see Santa? Should I force her to sit with a mall Santa so I can get a snapshot?

The trust issue
With my daughter's very apparent personality, I can see that toddlers are just little people trying to assert themselves into the world. She makes her opinion known, and I know she's not happy around strangers. In fact, they outright scare her. So I have to consider this: to bring her to a loud mall, with way too much visual stimulation, and then try to force her to sit on a stranger's lap, is that the right thing to do? Our toddlers put their complete and utter trust in us, their parents, because we're the ones that protect them and keep them safe. So to try and force a toddler into a stranger's lap is betraying their trust. These are the years when they're sponges for learning, and so showing them that you're not going to force anything on them that scares them also shows them that you'll always be their champion.

The strangers issue
We're constantly trying to keep our kids safe, and so one of the main lessons as children that everyone learns is to not talk to or go to strangers. How is forcing a toddler to sit with Santa enforcing this lesson? It actually goes against everything you are trying to teach! Besides, if your toddler is afraid to go near Santa, you should be happy - that means the lesson of going near strangers is bad is taking hold, and that's a good thing.

The picture issue
Maybe some people think it's funny to see a picture of a crying child on Santa's lap. But personally, I think it would break my heart to see my daughter so upset in that kind of situation. I think just knowing she's terrified of anything breaks my heart, so I couldn't possibly force that upon her. Try to think of it this way: is this the type of photo you would want to convey to your family and friends? Trust me, a cute photo of her smiling in front of the Christmas tree is sure to be a greater hit.

The long-term fear issue
I have some friends that are terrified of things like Santa, clowns, balloons, and even cats. The interesting thing is, these fears have been embedded since early childhood. Things like forcing a toddler to face their fears when they're not ready can have an ever-lasting effect that you hadn't intended. If left alone, some fears just resolve themselves, like how I was afraid of big dressed up characters (think: Disney characters in the parks) one year, but a few years later, it was no big deal to me. Also, try to see it from your toddlers point of view: I see a nice gentleman dressed in a red suit, but my daughter sees some big guy in bright red that is NOT her mom or dad.

I hope these thoughts have helped you to really think about your toddler's needs when visiting Santa this year (or not). Either way, just remember that Christmas is supposed to be a festive time to celebrate family and friends and love. Show your toddler you care by considering their feelings.