Should You Be Friends with Your Teen?

Being a teenager is hard. I know this because I was a teenager once. I remember having to deal with peer pressure and being with the "in" crowd. I didn't know what I would have done without my best friend. She taught me so much and I knew I could share anything with her. I didn't have to be afraid to ask her for advice on dating. I went to her when I was sad. Some of my schoolmates thought I was silly for having her as my best friend. I didn't think it was so silly. She'd been in my life since I was born. You see, my best friend was my mother. She was my mother when appropriate, but also my friend when I needed one the most. Being a parent doesn't mean you can't be friends with your child. Being a friend doesn't mean you can't discipline your child either. I grew up knowing right from wrong. When I did something wrong, I was grounded. That didn't make me love my mom any less. Nor did that make me want to be her friend less. In fact, we were college mates. We are graduating this May.

Teens, who would you rather be friends with? Somebody who would be a bad influence on you? Or someone who would encourage you during the times you needed it? I think you'd want to be friends with someone who could encourage you. Someone who wouldn't knock you down or try to tempt you to do something that would harm you. OK, so maybe you couldn't drink or do drugs or even stay out late with your mom. But that does mean you'd be safe.

Parents, being friends with your child can be a positive experience. Especially if you start while they are young. If you raise them to already know right from wrong, and they respect you, then being their friend isn't bad. Being your teens friend isn't giving up your role as a disciplinarian, either. Using the authoritative parenting style, you can bring your child up successfully.

What Is Authoritative Parenting?

This means setting rules, standing by them, but also being fair and talking to your child about what they did wrong at the time of their disciplining. You don't have to be mean or unfair to get them to listen to you or to be disciplined. Many people believe you need to be authoritarian. This is being cold and distant, setting rules and standing by them, but being unfair at the same time. Being a friend isn't saying you are being permissive either. Some people think that if you are their friend, you aren't disciplining them and you are letting them walk over you. But this just isn't true. If you set rules, stand by them, be fair and talk with your teenager, they will respect you and honor the rules more so than if you were unfair and authoritarian. Try it, you might be surprised.

What To Do

Make out rules that you feel are fair and simple. Then, talk with your teenager about them. Explain the goal you are trying to set. Tell them you want to be a parent, but you'd also like to be a friend. They may be distant at first, but when the time comes to enforce one of the rules, be fair and explain to them what they did wrong and maybe the two of you could settle upon a proper disciplinary action. (With me, taking away something I enjoyed usually worked. It was always different and for however long it took. Eventually, I learned, even if it took a couple of tries)