Should You Lie to Your Children?

We've all been tempted to do it: Your child asks for another cookie, but he's already had five. You don't want to give him any more, but you also don't want the subsequent argument and meltdown that will occur if you refuse him.

What do you do? Do you just say, "I'm sorry, they're all gone."? Or do you tell him that he can't have any more and risk the behavior that could follow? There are countless situations which are similar to this: Your child wants to watch a movie and you are tempted to tell him that you don't know where it is. Your child wants to know why you are sad, but you don't want him to know the real reason.

Yes, the temptation to lie to our children presents itself almost daily. However, most of us feel that at least most of the time, it is better not to lie to our children. I believe that it is never right to lie to our children for several reasons:

1. Lying goes against conscience. Whether your conscience has been seared for many years, or you still feel a stab of guilt when you tell a lie, you know that it is wrong. Perhaps you have lied for so long that you hardly think about it anymore. Take yourself back to a time when you felt bad about lying. What changed? The more you told lies the easier it got until it was almost second nature to you. Take back your conscience!

2. Lying sets the wrong example. Sooner or later, you will get caught. Perhaps not when your child is a toddler, but surely by the time your child is in grade school, he will catch you. What will you say to him then? Will you tell your child that lying is OK? Is it acceptable for your child to lie to you? If he finds out that you are a liar, he will feel obliged to be one too.

3. Lying prevents you from addressing the problem. If you honestly fear a melt-down if you tell your child "no", lying to avoid it will only make your problem worse. You must confront your child's selfish temper tantrums. Sooner or later you will have to teach and discipline your child to put an end to those fits, or deal with a destructive, rebellious teenager.

4. Not lying doesn't mean you have to give your child all of the facts. Maybe your ex didn't pick up your child for the weekend like he promised. You obviously don't want to tell your child that "Daddy forgot about you." However, you should also not say, "Daddy had an important meeting." Be honest with your child, "I'm not sure why daddy isn't here. When we see him, you can ask him."

Sometimes it is painful to tell your children the truth, either for you or for them. The fact of the matter is that a casual attitude towards lying will bear bad fruit in your own life, as well as in the life of your child.