Should Men Cry?: Analyzing Marvin Gaye's Trouble Man

I guess you could say figuratively speaking that I grew up with a musical upbringing. I am not speaking from the ability to sing or play an instrument but through an appreciation for the extraordinary art-form and its ability to nurture me. My life has been like a ballad sung in alto, bass, or in a high octave range; as the music creates vivid images of precise and often difficult moments. I can remember while I was growing up that my father felt a strong connection with the soul of Marvin Gaye through his music. I can distinctively remember his favorite album being What's Going On and even though I didn't quite understand the meaning and importance then, now I realize it was closest thing to understanding one's mans heart filled journey in an often times troubling world.

My father and I have not always agreed and I often wondered if he felt and understood my pain and discouragement in some of his disagreements with my mother and the strain it caused on us as a family. I can honestly say as I have grown as a young woman that I was selfish in my thinking because never did it occur to me that my father or men in general are vulnerable and self conscious. As an adolescent and young adult, I had never seen a man cry or openly express emotions. My father was intelligent, hard working and dedicated but I never saw him physically shed a tear. As a result of this, I have contemplated for what seems endlessly, "Why is it that women are emotional creatures and men are seemingly masters of withholding their emotions"? I've come to understand that men have feelings but they have a tendency to react in a more indirect manner. The male ego is very fragile and sometimes his pride is his greatest possession.

My mother once told me a story about how happy and delighted my father was after I was born. She said one day he took me outside and held me high in the sky and uttered words that she couldn't quite hear but she saw his actions through the kitchen window. He's never told her what he said at that moment or why he did it. He's never mentioned this occurrence to me but I can honestly say I can feel my father lifting me like I was when I was baby when I am feeling down in challenging places I face in the world. I set out to be a strong, intelligent, independent and God-fearing woman but if it wasn't for the chastisement, guidance and sense of self pride instilled in me, I would not be able to stand firm in the face of adversity.

I can still find comfort in my fathers' words of wisdom as I parted ways from the comfort of the South and headed to the Northwest on the quest of starting my career and getting to know myself. My father taught me as a woman to demand the respect I deserve and "never to accept wooden nickels". Recently my father and I revisited dark moments of our past exchanging healthy dialogue about how difficult it was holding back all the pain over the years. I expressed to my father how through unconditional love I had learned to forgive him. His insightful response was "that he never told me about the dark moment that he went through after our family relationship was strained and that he was still seeking our forgiveness". I was stunned because in a single moment my father not only showed emotion but the truth I thought about men and their inability to fully express themselves suddenly became a clear and evident misconception of mine.

As a woman I have learned in loving my father that I have to love him for the man he is verses the one I would like him to be. My father is not perfect, he is human and I am grateful to have felt his continual presence throughout my upbringing. Marvin Gaye's song Trouble Man implies a man comes up hard with no laughing and no crying but later he admits the truth that he is still troubled. I can't tell you whether or not to believe a man is suppose to cry, but love is stronger than pride and things are often not as they appear to be. Finally, the choice is yours to open your eyes and consider when it comes to a man's nature is it the truth or a misconception you are holding on to?