Should Older Men Married to Younger Women Have Children?
Pros and Cons of Having Babies Later in Life
Something an older man needs to consider when he dates or marries a younger woman is that she still may be of childbearing years. He needs to be prepared for the fact that he may be raising a young child in his retirement years. If you are a younger woman dating an older man, he may tell you upfront that he does not want anymore children. You need to think long and hard before continuing this relationship if you have never had any children. It can be difficult once your "biological clock" starts screaming and you start getting the intense desire to have a baby.
There are circumstances where pregnancy between an older man and younger woman happens by accident. At first, it can be very difficult for the man to realize that even though he may have grown children and grandchildren, he is going to start all over again. Plans that were made for future trips, retirement, and time together alone are put on the back burner. The older man fears he will never get to enjoy the rest of his life the way he dreamed. He may even feel trapped and resent his young wife because she is pregnant.
From my own personal experience, I know my husband went through many of these feelings because we discussed them at great length. When I found out I was pregnant, it was a total shock and both of us were in shock for two days. But once my husband had a chance to adjust, he slowly came around and couldn't wait for the birth of his baby.
There are pros and cons to older men and younger women having children together. Below is my list that I have created from my own personal experience.
Pros
I have found that older men are more patient and mellow. In our family, when our child needs to be shown how to do something that takes a lot of time or involves a lot of instruction and direction my husband takes over.
Older men are more settled and seem to take life easier. The days of working massive hours a week to try and get ahead are over. They tend to enjoy the simpler things in life and tend to take each day as it comes. They also are more family-oriented and will spend more time with their children. My husband spends a lot more quality time with our child than he ever did with his other children. He says it is because he is older and he has a better perspective on life now. He values each moment with our child.
When a child is born from an older man/younger woman relationship, a whole world of learning opens up for the child. Our child (who is very young) knows many songs from the 1950s and 1960s from his father's generation, as well as songs from the 1970s, 1980s and today. We have opened up a whole world of learning for him and he knows more about songs from years ago than many adults. He can also hear first-hand accounts of history from his father that he would otherwise only get from a history book.
In our situation, I have found that my husband is a better father because he has another chance to do things right. As parents, especially young parents, we tend to make a lot of mistakes. My husband feels as though he has been given another chance to take what he has learned as a parent and not make the same mistakes again.
Having a child with the person you love most is the greatest bond that can ever be created. Having a child together has completed our lives and filled that missing piece.
Cons
My biggest fear is that my husband will not live to see his child grow up. My husband will be 73 years old when our child graduates from high school. That is something that I think about a lot.
Neither my husband nor I are capable of doing a lot of physical activities with our child because of our health. We do have a young girl come in once a week just to play with a young child the way they need to be played with - lots of activity, running around, etc.
Because my husband is older, he has health conditions that typically affect older people. Our child has spent a lot of time in the hospital visiting daddy and worrying more than what a child should about health issues.
Children at our child's school have noticed that "daddy is a lot older than mommy" and we get questions as to why that is. Now that he is around more children, he sees that his parents are different then other kids' parents.
These are the pros and cons of having children later in life that our family has experienced. I believe that if an older man and younger woman have a healthy relationship and are happy together having children is great. Our child is intelligent, outgoing, happy and well-adjusted so we must be doing something right. Even though our family situation isn't typical, we love every minute of it. If I had to do it all over again, I would!
Published by WD
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- These are the pros and cons of having children later in life that our family has experienced.
- Even though our family situation isn't typical, we love every minute of it.
- A whole new world opens up for the child if has different generations to learn from.
31 Comments
Post a CommentMost of these old men have been changing partners all their lives; and before they reach age 60 they want to marry a younger woman to take care of them. All the doctors visits, can't remember the way they use to, can't hear well, arthritis setting in. Most of them have hurt women, made promises they never intended to keep. They don't realize that the Bible states that we reap what we sow. I would not want to be around when the reaping comes. They must remember that payday is coming. They are called loosed men, do what they wish, never realizing that people have feelings. Some even want the cake and eat it too.
this article broke me in tears...so touching !
i'm 27 years old & my husband of 6 years is 54. we have a 3 year old that love and adores us both, we are a happy family. nothing about our day to day life is weird. we only get to live once and if one is happy, let them be. people need to stop being so judgmental, an age diff between 2 people is not a biblical sin, there are worst things that happen in this world daily.
I am a 23 year old very much in love with a 50 yr old man. we plan to get married this year and have a child. we have so much in common and do not care what people think. It is sad to see that people look at age for more than what is really is. its just a number. honestly, who wants to go through life being alone because they care what other people think> its 2011, lets wake up here! i have never been this happy in my life and it has nothing to do with finances. we both work very hard and take care of our responsibilites. It is so hard to find happiness now and days, so when you do you need to hold onto it!
Frank Eubanks, you wrote: "I would have a better chance of having a child with no birth defects if I had a child with a lady that is 28 years old, than I would with a lady that is 48 years old." You would have better chance of not having a child with birth defects by not having a child in the first place. Remember, you play a huge role as well in this, as does your age.
liona, so true.
Not to mention, old men are at a much greater risk of having kids with congenital problems due to negative effects on what is called spermatogenesis. Decreased in intelligence, higher risk of health problems, decreased in body symmetry...it's not pretty. I work in health care and I've seen the devastating effects older men having children have.
Any older men (40 years old an older) considering having children should honestly be sterilized because they do not have the capacity for responsible reproduction. If they want to have children it is ok, but they should use a healthy sperm donor (i.e: not them). Keep in mind that any fail abortions reading this that disagrees is guilty too and will get their Karma.
My fiance is 40 with 4 kids, I am 26 with no kids. He wants more children, and I am happy with the 4 kids (a built-in family, it's awesome). He's a great dad, but I worry about us having a baby when he's in his 40's. Yikes
Listen I dont agree, Im 61 in great healthy condition. I will have a boy born in spring of 2011. she much younger... Yeah right...61 & i bet im any more as good as any dad will or would be at 35 to 45. Yeah I wont see him have grand kids. But you better beleive i can do a better job than any any dad who's working and dont have time for the kid. So bite your tongue you all. Plus I have SSA and Full Veterean benefits totallying and income of $4500 monthly, not counting my wife income to & after i die he will be set for school also.
So all you moms and dads out there keep your opinions to yourself. At least I can spend QUALITY TIME WITH THE BOY ALL HIS YOUNG LIFE More than most fathers dont do. I have all day and 24/7 show me a dad thats doing that ? ? now for you ERA women out there money speaks much an so does a father that can spend much QUALITY time with his son. sorry you all eat your hearts out :)
How unfair to children to have a father who is too old to participate in their lives the way they should and will probably not live long enough to see them graduate high school. No fool like on old fool
I will soon be hitting my mid 40's, and I understand that women have their age preferance about dating or marrying older men in their early of mid 40's. I have no interest in being single for very long, but it is becoming difficult to find the perfect mate. I dislike online dating websites, because my chances are lower in finding the right woman; and it provides an unfair playing field for men. Hopefully, my luck will come around if I hang out at certain places where women are more likely present. Such as museums, cafe shops, bookstores, etc. Bars and clubs are out of the question!